Simple Sunday – Brought to you by the Letter “B”

This weekend Husband drove south for a computer conference so the boys, Dexter the dog, and I drove north for a visit to Grandma’s house.

There were Bags:

Bags are packed

There was some Bowling:

Boys Bowling Collage

There was some Beaching:

Boys at the Beach

There were some Blossoms:

Golden Chain Tree Collage

Dexter did some Basking in what little sun there was:

Dexter Basking

We took a Boat ride home:

On the Ferry

Husband drove north and we drove south and arrived back home within a couple minutes of each other.  We have a few hours to regroup and regain some energy and then we are off to a Baseball game, the boys very first one!

Hope you are all having a Beautiful weekend.

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Living With a Cold Blooded Killer

She wears a coat one shade darker than the darkest of nights.  Her eyes, two glowing green orbs, unblinking in their concentration.  Her ears alert to the whispers of whispers.  The faintest rustle of a leaf, the smallest twitch of a twig – she misses nothing.

Delilah in the forest

Her teeth, sharp. Her claws more so.  She has no qualms over whom her next victim will be.  Her body the perfect killing machine.

She wears a coat softer that the softest of clouds.  Her eyes, close half way, brimming with love.  Her ears perk up whenever we walk by.  The laughter of the boys in the next room, tucking them into bed at night, staying, curled up on their chest until they are asleep or the sound of a piece of macaroni and cheese dropping to the floor – she misses nothing.

Delilah with the boys Collage

Birds fear her.  Mice run in terror. Squirrels shiver in her presence.  She brings us gifts of the dead, once sometimes twice in a day.  We have considered dressing her in a silver bell to warn her prey of the black shadow that is her, lurking under a bush or crouching behind a tree, but wonder if it would crush her spirit, the bell of her despair tinkling merrily with her every step.

Delilah with bird present

And then there is Darwin, the general order of things – natural selection and all that. I try to convince myself that she is helping out nature, picking off the slow, distracted, lower- witted creatures.  Then she goes and brings me a brown baby bunny and a tiny yellow finch all in one day. I shake my head at the cruelness of it all.

As I watch her, in her element, I know that I would not last a day in the Garden of Delilah.

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Muffin Top Whisperer, I am Not

Remember last week when I posted about starting a workout program for the first time in my life?  I told you that I had decided to commit to three thirty minute workout sessions a week.  Well, I can not tell a lie (actually I can but I am not very good at it so I think I will stick with the truth) I worked out four times last week for almost an hour each.  Yup, I am a Xbox/Kinect workout master.  Is my muffin top gone?  No, but I think it is starting to fear me.

I will continue with my efforts to thwart my evil muffin top while enjoying beating the heck out of brick walls.  And because I find it entertaining to write about it, I will continue to post some random thoughts that I have while doing battle with Ye Olde Top of Muffin.  I hope you find them entertaining too.

Here are the stats and thoughts from my first week of this nonsense:

  • I have burned 458 calories.
  • I almost killed myself doing the medium level jump rope back to back because Carter loved that it looked like I was jumping on water.
  • My sprained big left toe continues to hurt; I will henceforth refer to it as my Xbox-Toe.
  • During pulsing crunches, I noticed that I really need to get out the vacuum cleaner attachments and vacuum under the couch more often.
  • I am awful at Hip Hop dancing, unless you count a brief period in the 80’s when I could do the worm like nobody’s business.  Actually the worm is more Funk than Hip Hop but I doubt any of you will call me out on it.
  • Cody pointing out that my virtual abs instructor looks stronger than me does not help.

So there you have it.  My muffin top continues to lurk around making snarky comments but I am enjoying working out and only good can come of it.  Well, maybe not the sprained toe.  Or the rug burnt elbow part.  But you get the idea.

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Simple Sunday – What’s in Your Lingerie Bag?

Lingerie Bag Collage

Since becoming a mom I find myself washing more non-lingerie items in my lingerie bag that actual lingerie.

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A Little Bit of Magic

Last night while you were tucked in fast asleep, my dear

I polished a silver dish for you to keep, my dear

Your baby teeth, proof of the passage of time, my dear

With each loss of a tooth you are little less mine, I fear

The tooth fairy on gossamer wings she flies, my love

Old she may be but so very wise, my love

To take from you but to give in return, my love

A new rite of passage for which your heart yearns, my dove

~Shoes On The Wrong Feet~

Early this morning at 12:43 Cody woke us up to inform us that his tooth has fallen out.   He was worried that the tooth fairy would take his tooth (he wants to keep them.)  I told him that since it was past midnight, the tooth fairy had already finished her rounds and was back in that magical place called FairyLand.  We have plans to write her a note asking her to leave the tooth and maybe a little surprise when she visits him tonight.  I am guessing she will.

Loose Tooth Collage

Cody it seems only yesterday that you got your first baby tooth.  How can it be that you are done with it so soon?

Tooth Hole

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Of Carter and the Peach (or on days like this I think I deserve a medal just for making it through)

I am still not sure what alerted me that something was wrong.  It must have been a small noise he made or a change in his movements.  I was in the kitchen cutting up a hot dog (of all things) to add to our lunch of mac and cheese.  Carter was sitting at his spot at the table, his back to me, eating canned peaches.  Canned peaches!  I almost lost Carter at lunch today because he choked on a bite sized piece of canned peaches.

I went over to him and saw that he was not able to swallow or spit or cough.  There was saliva oozing out of his mouth and his lips were moving but there was no noise.  I do remember from my first aid training, about four years ago, that if a person appears to be choking but is making airway clearing noises that you should just let them be.  Watch them but let them be.  Carter was not making noises.  I pushed his chair back and tried to gently squeeze in and up on his chest, just below his ribcage but nothing happened.  He could not breath.  I don’t know the sequence of what happened next.  I took him from his chair and pounded his back, I squeezed him.  Hard.  I even stuck my finger down his throat to try to make him throw up (God, should I have done that!?).  At one point I ran to the phone and picked it up but then had the realization that 911 could not help – they were too far away.  His eyes were open but he was like a rag doll in my arms.

It was awful and I am still very shaken by it.  Carter was choking and no one could help him but me.  And I didn’t know what the hell to do.  I pounded his back some more, feeling like I was about to lose it at any moment, seriously lose my shit.  I remember chanting calmly to him to throw up, to spit it out, to cough.  And then he did.  The peach shot out of his mouth and hit the floor.  He took a breath and with a tear forming in the corner of his right eye, he looked at me and asked me why I had been squeezing him so hard.

At this point my entire body sagged and started shaking.  I let out a deep breath and I hugged him and just kept hugging him.  After he squirmed out of my grasp we examined the offending piece of fruit on the floor.  Carter called it a “bad peach” and I have to say that I agree with him.

The offending peach bite

Then the what ifs start going around in my head. What if he had not coughed? What if he did not start breathing? What if I had not been in the room and had not seen that he needed help? It is not uncommon for me to give the boys a snack while I go to the bathroom or go outside to refill the bird feeders, or fold laundry or a million other things. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t just give them food and wander away all the time, but I do sometimes. Cody is six and Carter is four; I have kind of stopped worrying about them choking on things and started worrying more about them being abducted by random pedophiles. I think I stopped cutting their hotdogs horizontally about six months ago. Carter loves grapes and we do have a rule about sitting down when eating them but I haven’t cut grapes up for him in a very long time.

Not ten minutes after the choking incident Carter thought that maybe he wanted to eat some more peaches.  My throat working again, momma.  My first instinct was to say no.  I said yes so as not to give him a life long fear of canned peaches, but you can bet I cut those suckers up so small you almost needed a microscope to see them.

Carter and the Peaches take two

Here is some interesting information I found in an article from the Official Journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics.

  • Choking is a leading cause of morbidity and mortality among children, especially those aged 3 years or younger.
  • Choking on food causes the death of approximately 1 child every 5 days in the United States. Hot dogs accounted for 17% of food-related asphyxiations among children younger than 10 years of age.
  • Other high-risk foods include hard candy, peanuts/nuts, seeds, whole grapes, raw carrots, apples, popcorn, chunks of peanut butter, marshmallows, chewing gum, and sausages.

I have two questions for you:

How long has it been since you last took a first aid class?

How much of that first aid class do you really remember?

I am off to look up first aid classes offered in our area, perhaps you should do the same…

Oh, and as a side note, I think that when I first realized that Carter was seriously choking, I should have called 911.  If the peach would not have become dislodged, it would have been that much longer before help arrived.  It is better to look like an idiot and have help arrive when you no longer need it than to call for that help when it is too late.

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Punching Brick Walls Like a Ninja

I started a new workout program yesterday.  I never had an old one so I guess I should rephrase that – I started working out yesterday.  I am not one for the gym so I had Husband give me some pointers Sunday night on the XBox/Kinect Your Shape fitness disk that has been collecting dust.  I decided to commit to thirty minute sessions three times a week and see how that fits into my life.

Meet my new workout program

I have never felt the need to loose weight.  I am, or should I say was, one of those sickeningly annoying people who could eat whatever I wanted, never workout, and not have a inch to pinch.  I have always had a proportional body shape for my five foot four stature.  The exception being the two eighteen month blocks of time when I was nursing the boys and went from a pleasant and perky B cup to a frighteningly large porn star DD cup.  Even Husband admitted to being frightened by them more than once.  Hell, they were attached to me and I was scared of them most of the time.

I no longer have boobs out to here, although I did keep one of my DD bras as a souvenir of my porn star lookalike breastfeeding days.  No, it seems as though the additional girth that existed in my chest has migrated down to settle itself comfortably around my middle resulting in the dreaded “muffin top” I have heard so much about but have never experienced.  I don’t like it, hence the workout regiment.

Here are the stats and some thoughts from my first day working out:

  • 100 calories burned
  • 25 minutes late getting to Cody’s class to help the teacher with end of the year testing.  I had no time to shower so I slathered on additional deodorant and put on some new shiny lip gloss to detract from my post workout unkempt appearance.
  • 1 rug burnt elbow
  • The discovery that I am really bad at anything remotely dancelike but I really like and totally own the punching and kicking of fake brick walls.  Who knew?
  • 1 sprained left big toe that is expected to make a full recovery.
  • Just any old bra will not cut it when I am suppose to be getting a running tour of the streets of Manhattan.  Mental note, wear sports bra next time.

I figure by this time next week my muffin top will be a thing of the past and life can get back to normal.  I will let you know how that is working out for me.

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Simple Sunday – Watermelon and Frogs

The gray and rain the Pacific Northwest is known for has returned after a couple nice weeks of warmth and sun.  During the sunny weather we spend a lot of time outside.  We have barbequed almost every night, eating dinner out on our back deck.  The boys have enjoyed eating watermelon, playing in their water table, and running through the sprinkler.

Watermelon Slice

Our resident hose frog has returned, claiming our coiled hose as its home.  This is at least the fourth year we have had a hose frog and since we named the first one Hoser, we call this frog Hoser the Fourth.  I never said we were creative in our naming of things.

Hoser the Fourth

I hope you all are having a wonderful weekend whatever your weather may be.

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Watch Out For That Zebra!

Do you have zebras in your Home Depot?

Yesterday Carter and I went in search of the perfect flower pots.  It is never easy to find something when you have an exact image of what you want in your head.  I wanted ceramic pots with the bottom having a circumference not much bigger than the palm of my hand.  They must have a drain hole because when I remember to water the soil is usually hard and dry.  I then over water to compensate for my lack of watering and this leads to plant drownings.  The pots needed to be festive but in solid colors.  And I wanted two of each for a total of six pots.

After an extensive search we ended up at Home Depot.  I prefer to shop at the smaller, local nurseries but I was on a quest for the perfect pots and they did not have them.  Luck for us Home Depot had almost exactly want I wanted (I say almost because in my mind the colors were more vibrant and less pastel.)  Carter helped me pick out the colors and I gritted my teeth at the thought of paying almost three dollars each for the saucers but they matched the pots and I could not resist.

With our lovely pots and expensive saucers placed just so in the shopping cart we headed out to look at their flower selection.  Carter kept picking out ground cover flowers and plants that were much too large for our small pots.  We both kept getting drawn back to the oranges and yellows of the simple marigolds.  After much hemming and hawing, we chose the taller African marigolds over the two tone dwarf ones.  I was not one hundred percent happy with our flower selection so we were perusing the flowers one last time when it happened.

carter:  Momma, I have to go pee.  I have to go peeee, now, Now, NOW!

We were, of course, at the furthest spot in the store from the bathrooms (technically we weren’t even in the store being at the edge of the outdoor garden area.)

me: Ok sweetheart, lets just leave the cart here and go find the bathroom.

I kept looking over my shoulder at our cart of perfect pots and the flowers it had taken so long to pick out but I knew if I tried to take it with us we would never make it.  I had to trust it would be there when we got back.  I directed Carter through the doors and in between the two check stands.  It was very busy for a Wednesday afternoon, the sun bringing out the gardener in folks.  As we passed between the two lines of people waiting to check out, Carter makes a loud announcement, voice filled with panic.

carter:  Momma, I squeezing my penis SO tight!  He starts dance-walking and whimpering.  Things are not looking good.  People are staring.

me:  Hold on Carter, we are almost there.  We are getting closer, you can make it. 

We are getting closer but I am starting to think we will not make it.  I consider picking him up and running but if we don’t make it then I will just be wearing his pee along with him.  We round the corner and go through the automatic doors past the gardening area into the actual store.  His whimpering is getting louder and more intense.  Then it comes to me.  A brilliant idea that has been used by parents and dog owners alike – distraction.

me:  Whoa, Carter!  Watch out for that zebra!  It was the first thing that popped into my head.

We are still holding hands and running/speed walking.  Carter looks at me like I am crazy, his almost bursting bladder momentarily forgotten.

carter:  What zebra?  I don’t see any zebras.

me:  What?  You didn’t see that zebra?  He was standing right there behind the forklift.  I am pretty sure there was a giraffe with him.

I see the restroom sign.  There is only about 100 feet between us and the bathroom.  I pick him up and run.

Crisis averted, we return to where we left our cart.  It is still there with its perfect pots and marigolds.  We go home, pick up Cody from the bus and plant our flowers – the zebras at Home Depot long forgotten.

Boys and Flowers Collage

Stairs before flowers

Before…

Stairs after flowers

After…

So let this be a warning to you, next time you end up at Home Depot, watch out it’s a jungle in there.

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With the Warmer Weather Comes the Bathroom Badgers

I start to notice signs of their arrival as soon as the warm weather comes.  A torn piece of leaf in the living room.  A wilted dandelion in the hallway.  A partially eaten pinecone and dirt.  Lots of dirt.  They leave trails of organic debris wherever they go.  I have learned that the bathroom sink is centric to most of their indoor activities.

Yesterday I walked into the boys’ bathroom to start the bath and stopped dead in my tracks.  The Bathroom Badgers were back.  The countertop was covered with bits of sandy dirt.  The mud smeared sink glistened with liquid soap and there was a glob of toothpaste mocking gravity as it clung to the counter’s edge.  As if in a final defiant act the hand towel, miserably crumpled in a heap on the floor, was tossed in the air as I imagine those pesky Bathroom Badgers dashing out the door, the damage done.

Collage of Bathroom Badgers

I do not know if the Bathroom Badger is indigenous to the Pacific Northwest or not.  They seem to show up during the spring and summer months when the weather is nice and, coincidently, the boys basically live outdoors riding bikes, tromping through the forest, and digging in the dirt.

I will have to ask Cody and Carter if they have ever seen one because I have not.  Have you seen one?  Is your house plagued with Bathroom Badgers too?  Maybe it is a worldwide phenomenon that no one ever speaks of.  It’s not like you want to tell the world when you have cockroaches in your kitchen or boll weevils in your flour so perhaps mum’s the word when it comes to Bathroom Badgers too.  If that’s the case then we most certainly don’t have Bathroom Badgers and I was really just writing about someone else right now.

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