Tired

It has been just shy of eight months.  During that time he has had two bouts of fever.  Each time we crossed our fingers and watched him like a hawk while alternating acetaminophen and ibuprofen like it was candy.  Both times he has gotten through without having a seizure.  Before this it had been two and a half years since I could say that he had a fever and not had a seizure.  Husband and I were starting to think that maybe, just maybe, it was starting to happen.  All those doctors and experts kept saying he would most likely out grow them.  We started to allow ourselves to hope that he had.  He hasn’t.

This one lasted a little over three minutes and he was so tired afterwards.  After a cool bath (to clean the vomit from his hair) we put him in shorts, gave him acetaminophen and he was asleep seconds after his head hit the pillow.  He snores like a bear which at times like this is very nice.  A consistent, normal sound coming from his room means that he is not seizing.  We left his door open and got a visual on him ever ten minutes or so.  When it was time for me to go to bed I had convinced myself that he was alright, he felt cool to the touch and was calm.  I checked on him one last time and noticed he was thrashing around and moaning.  That was all I needed to see to bring out the comforters make a little bed for myself on the floor next to his bed.

It was a long night.  He did not sleep soundly so neither did I.  Around four he coughed.  He felt hot to the touch so I ran to get the ibuprofen.  Not a minute later it came back up.  Crap.  Husband helped with the cleaning of child and bedding and we tried again.  This time I sat up in his bed so he could sit/lean against me giving the medicine a change to stay down.  We have ibuprofen in suppository form just in case, but luckily for all involved it did not come to that.

This morning his fever is still around.  He is is good spirits and is currently playing Legos with Carter.  I have one ear out for him always and if I don’t hear him I get edgy.  He has already pushed my hand off his forehead and told me “I am fine, momma!” twice today.  I canceled his PT and OT and called his neurologist so they could update their history of him. I suppose I should call his pediatrician too.

I am tired.  I wish I could rant and rave and stomp my feet and cry that I am tired of this and that I can’t do this anymore but that would be wrong because I know that I can do this for as long as it takes.  It could be much worse.

Alright, I am done feeling sorry for myself.  I will go make another pot of coffee, slice a piece of banana bread and read books with the boys.

About shoes

I am a blogger, a former microbiologist, a stay at home mom to a herd of two boys, and a grilled cheese sandwich and beer connoisseur.
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34 Responses to Tired

    • shoes says:

      The way I look at it, you have to do what you feel is right no mater how tired you are. Cody needs to be, deserves to be comfortable and safe – it is my job and I would do it no other way.

      • I know–sometimes I have to talk to myself about this–but the best thing we can do on this earth is be there for other people – particularly our kids – though we get darn tired sometimes

        • shoes says:

          This is so true. I struggled with this when I first became a mom. I see this with my kids and I saw this in my mom as she cared for my dad during his Alzheimer’s and I saw this again with her caring for dad and me caring for her when he died. At the risk of sounding profound I think that if we are not there for others and others are not there for us, then what are we all doing here? It is tiring but so rewarding on so many levels.

  1. Sending hugs your way. You’re a phenomenal mom – don’t ever forget that! And anytime you need to rant, we’re here!

  2. mimijk says:

    Oh dear one, it could be worse, and that doesn’t diminish that these are hard, tiring, draining days…when you desperately need some rest, but refuse to because you’re an exceptional mom who hovers near her children when they need her (even when they don’t know it…:-)) It will get better, as he gets better…and it’s ok to rant and rave sometimes too!!!

    • shoes says:

      It could be a lot worse. Every time we end up at Children’s Hospital I see that, run smack into people living some very hard and scary times. We see children who, just by passing them in the hallway, you get the impression that they lack even the chance for the opportunities Cody and Carter will get. Those children are living that and so are their parents. My little piece of the world is not too bad considering but sometimes I feel the need for a little self pity. And a nap, I could really use a nap.

      And seriously, I don’t know if it was the time of morning when I first ready your comment or what, but your words had me in tears. I just want him to be ok, that is all I want. Today was hard with several high fevers but no seizures. Hoping for a calm night.

      • mimijk says:

        Thank God he went seizure free today, and I hope the night is better too. I didn’t mean to make you cry sweetie, I’m so sorry! That’s the last thing you needed!

  3. Alex says:

    shoes! you are one of the strongest woman I know! things will work out! they just have to!

    • shoes says:

      Thank you, your words are very kind. I have no choice but to trust things will work out, I can’t let those other thoughts even near me.

  4. So sorry to hear. I hope that he will one day be past these frightening episodes and you can get back to your regular parental worries.

  5. Hetterbell says:

    I’m sorry to hear Cody has been so poorly overnight. I hope he feels much better very soon, and I hope you can catch up on your rest. You really do look after your boys wonderfully.

    • shoes says:

      Thank you. He had a rough day and is going into tonight with a 103 degree fever. I have a feeling I will be spending tonight in his room again. I am rather scared to sleep as I worry so about him having a seizure and no one being around to stop it with medicine if need be.

      • Hetterbell says:

        It sounds like a terribly difficult situation to be in. Nights do seem so long when we’re awake. Hopefully, he’ll feel better very soon and in a week’s time things will seem so much easier.

  6. muddledmom says:

    I’m sorry. No night is a good night when you are sick with worry on the floor. It’s just hard to be a mom sometimes. And sometimes no one else gets that but another mother. I hope he feels better soon and outgrows this. I know several kids who have.

    • shoes says:

      You are right about that. And when did the damn floor get so hard? I know these things vary but the doctors were telling us most kids outgrow febrile seizures around kindergarten age. His first one was at age 2 years 4 months so we have been waiting a while. I guess we wait a while longer.

  7. Nancy says:

    You’ve got this. Hang in there.

  8. Jodi Stone says:

    I’m sorry you are going through this, I’m hoping that he WILL grow out of it, it just hasn’t happened as fast as you would have liked. Hang in there, you are stronger than you know.

    • shoes says:

      It is amazing how much strength one has and does not know they have until it is called into question. Cody has been testing our strength since day one. He has taught me more about myself than most anything else. He is one tough little cookie – takes after his momma. :-)

  9. Traci Kay says:

    From one mother to another – my heart goes out to you and your boys!

    • shoes says:

      Thank you. We have been holding down the fort by playing Legos, watching movies, and eating honey toast. It has been a long day and I think tomorrow will be a repeat of today.

      • Traci Kay says:

        I understand some of what you’re going through, and I know it’s tough. As mothers, it amazes me how strong we can be sometimes when it comes to our kids.

        Stay strong, Mommy!

  10. Ashley says:

    I’m sorry to hear this. Hugs to you and your family!

  11. You totally get to stomp your feet and rant and rave you just can’t say ” I can’t do this” because well you are doing it but it still doesn’t make it fair. Love you my friend and one of the things I love about you is what an awesome mommy you are.

    • shoes says:

      I know there is no way I can say that I can’t because I can and I have no choice – I would do it no other way than what is right for Cody. But this is me stomping, ranting, and generally being grumpy.

  12. So sorry! Hope he feels better soon and you can both get some sleep!

    • shoes says:

      He is fast asleep and snoring but went to bed with a 103 fever so we are no way out of the woods yet. I can sleep when he is better, which I hope for the both of us comes soon.

  13. You’ll be in my thoughts. I hope you are through the worst of it.

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