What the Hell Did I Just Do?

My bowels have been aflutter since Monday morning and that is putting it very mildly because you don’t want to know the awful truth.

There have been moments of euphoria sandwiched between long stretches of self doubt.

I have seriously questioned my common sense.

Instead of making excuses about why I cannot do this, I press on.  But to be honest I am not sure I can do this.

The odds are not stacked in my favor.

Last week I had a conversation with a friend about finances and future – my finances and my future.  It looked rather bleak and I hate to complain because in the grand scheme of things we are doing fine but I need to find work. We live in a small town and my options are few and the pay is rather sad.  I had been tossing around the idea of going back to school so as to be able to have a career instead of just a job to fill the gap between cash in and cash out but one needs money for school.

To blow off steam I had a similar conversation with my mom about it, not something I would normally do.  I should have known how she would view it.  She is a mom after all and a problem solver.  She emailed me the following day offering me a sum of money that her and dad had tucked away and fully expected to pass along to me as my inheritance.  It would allow options.  It would allow me to go back to school as well as keep us afloat during that time.  My immediate response was no, of course not.  I have never as an adult asked for money from my parents even when, perhaps especially when, I was living for those few gray and desperate months out of a Buick Regal in my early adulthood.

In the end I said yes and I am truly grateful for this chance.  So what to do?  I kept thinking about the medical field so that I could utilize my BS in Microbiology but I could not really get excited about it.  I kept circling back around to teaching.  It is in my blood.  Both of my parents were teachers and it is what I grew up around.

Over the weekend Husband and I started looking around at the options on the internet and on Monday I got serious and started to contact schools, one in particular.  I was talking to the head of admissions at my school of choice and the conversation was going well.  I was getting excited about their one year intensive program that starts this Summer, would get me in the classroom mentoring in the Fall and lead teaching in early Winter.  In one year I would come out of it with a great experience and a Masters degree in Elementary Education.  Then she informed me that the deadline for admissions was Tuesday.  Yeah, like yesterday Tuesday.  So I did what anyone would do, I panicked.  Then I busted a move.  They were able to defer a couple items such as the essays and resume until later next week so I got everything together, lined up a couple of the boys’ teachers to write letters of recommendation, and submitted Monday night.

So I guess I just applied to graduate school.

There is lots to do, two prerequisite classes I need to find and take quickly, a huge three part five hour test covering math, writing, and reading that is on February 9th that I must pass, a couple essays to write and my resume to update.  Oh and an interview.  I am not sure if/how this will all work out.  The timing may not work on the prereq classes.  I may fail one or more parts of the test, a test that people usually take one section at a time but due to time restraints I must take all at once (and pass) to be admitted into the program.  I simply may not be accepted into the program for some reason I may never know.  But if I don’t try there is no chance at all.  So I am trying.  And if I fail then I will take the next year to study, retake the test, get those classes done, and work as a Para educator in the school district to gain knowledge, make contacts, and make a difference.

While this is not really a “So long and thanks for all the fish” moment, as Douglas Adams so eloquently put it in his fourth book of the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, I will be busier than normal and may not be around much.

Alright, I am off to write a multiple page essay on the role of diversity in the classroom.  I would rather write a cute blog post about how Carter thought he bested gravity this morning after throwing a berry up into the air and it did not come back down (of course it did come down but it landed unbeknownst to Carter in a tree branch) but that would not earn me a scholarship, now would it?

Wish me luck!

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About shoes

I am a blogger, a former microbiologist, a stay at home mom to a herd of two boys, and a grilled cheese sandwich and beer connoisseur.
This entry was posted in On Becoming a Teacher, Random Thoughts and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

50 Responses to What the Hell Did I Just Do?

  1. Jodi says:

    I wish you nothing but the very best! When you have time to update, we will be here. (I still find myself a bit teary though.) :-)

    • shoes says:

      Ahh, I am going to miss all my bloggy people so much! I don’t think I will completly disappear but it will not be the same. I will do my best to post every now and again as well as pop over to see how you and your sweet pups are doing.

  2. Hetterbell says:

    Congratulations! I wish you the very best of luck. I hope it all goes well. :)

    • shoes says:

      Thank you. I still have very many hoops to jump through and even then I am not entirely sure I can pull it of for starting summer of this year but I will try. All it can do is make it easier if I have to try again next year.

  3. JWo says:

    GOOD LUCK!!!

    Very inspired with everything you’ve been through and continue to go through. Hang in there and all of your hard work with pay off for you.

    I don’t think I’d be able to go back to school, especially for something as fancy as a Master’s degree. haha…

    • shoes says:

      Ha! I do feel a bit hoity toity doing the whole Master’s program thing. I will be sure to keep an eye on my pinkie to see if it starts sticking out while I sip on my morning cup of coffee then I will know for sure if it has all gone to my head. :-)

  4. mimijk says:

    I bet the butterflies in your stomach are just flapping like crazy…anad that means you’re getting ready to fly! Congratulations – you will love this path you are embarking on – you just need to get through the pressure cooker of these deadlines. I’m thrilled for you!

    • shoes says:

      You are right about getting through the pressure cooker of the deadlines. I am about done with my essays and have updated my resume (which I have not looked at in about seven years!) I have letters of recommendation taken care of, official transcripts ordered, and have registered for the big and scary test which I will take on the 9th of Feb. I have an interview with the college a week from tomorrow. Things are moving fast!

  5. VeggieSandwichGeneration says:

    That is fantastic! It will have its ups and downs but if you feel good about it, then you made the right decision! Oh, and guess what??? Both of my parents were teachers too!!!!

    • shoes says:

      Well of course both your parents were teachers!! Too funny.

      I am feeling good about it but nervous all the same. One foot in front of the other and if it does not work out this time around I know my feet are pointed in the right direction and I will just keep walking that way.

  6. I am so happy for you! I know you will succeed. This is all so exciting…wishing you all the best! :D :D

  7. Good for you for hopping on that opportunity & going for it.
    Good luck!

  8. Good luck, Shoes! I am already happy thinking of your lucky future students!

  9. Mary Ann says:

    Wishing you the best!

  10. This is so exciting — good luck–I wish you the best

  11. muddledmom says:

    Yay for you! Good luck. You’re going to wow them.

  12. You will never regret taking this fork in the road. Way to carpe diem!

    • shoes says:

      I think you are right about that. Even if it does not work out for me to be able to start this summer, I have a goal and a direction and I am excited about it.

  13. Sounds like a really exciting time – good luck!!

  14. Crossed-Fingers, prayers, and all sorts of other Magical Thinking headed your way…
    Shoot us a single-sentance post sometime soon…Something like, “I’m in!”

    • shoes says:

      Thanks – I will take and use all that great energy and good thoughts. I will try to post from time to time to keep you updated as well as for my own sanity. It is a good stress relief – writing random bits of my life on this blog.

  15. Alpine Mummy says:

    wow, that’s fantastic! You’ll be ace, good luck with it all :)

    • shoes says:

      I think it will be a wonderful adventure that will land me in a good career. I feel good about it. I will feel better about it if I actually pass the test and get in the program. But one step at a time…

  16. That is marvelous! Good luck to you!!!

  17. That’s so amazing – congrats!! I’m sure it’s incredibly overwhelming and stressful right now but you’ve taken such a huge leap!! I hope all of the pieces fall into place!

    • shoes says:

      I am glad I have taken that great leap even if it does not fall into place for this summer. My Plan B is in place but I really hope I don’t have to use it.

  18. Brave and wonderful ‘Shoes’, go for it ! You really inspire me to push the boundaries of my comfort zone and venture out . Wishing you all the luck in the world ! :)

    • shoes says:

      Ah, thank you your comment means a lot to me. I am way out of my comfort zone right now and acting the brave part. I am taking a chance and giving it a try and that has to be worth something right.

  19. momnotsoperfect says:

    Oh, good luck, hon! I know this is a huge scary step, but you will do great! Just think what this can do for your family when you’re done!!! Congrats!

  20. coastalmom says:

    Good Luck! Read lots of reviews on the schools you narrow down to… I have learned to depend on reviews! People usually do em when they absolutely love something or absolutely just had a horrible experience and all are valuable information! Even when I am standing in front of an aisle of supplements, make up or going to visit a restaurant… research and feedback are the best! What an amazing gift your parents have offered you! They must feel great too! As a writer… I bet whatever you write to tell them of your gratitude will touch them… Did you ever consider writing? You are amazing! Anyway… I have meant to tell you that I love your : SHOES ON THE WRONG FEET name so much! It reminds me of the first joke I ever remember being able to telll all the way through… The mom says… Billy your shoes are on the wrong feet… and Billy looks up confused and says… but Mommy these are the only feet I’ve got!
    Har har har… but really not a bad metaphor to leave you with!
    Blessings in all your next choices
    Di
    XOXO
    I hope you stop by from time to time… I have enjoyed your writing!

  21. Best of luck to you and I hope everything goes as planned.

    And I do hope you’ll still have time to write your blog – I’d really miss it!

  22. Nancy says:

    How exciting! (and nerve racking!) Good luck!

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