My Sasquatch? I Think I Left it in My Other Pants.

Our house is situated on a dead end road off a cul-de-sac of another road, off a long road that leads into town.  Or out of town, depending on which way you are going.  That being the case, we drive on this long road, which I will call Boring Road, a lot.  There are one or two other ways to get to our house which lessen the time driving on Boring Road but I usually end up taking the shorter route and suffering the monotony of it all.

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One of the few awesome things about driving on Boring Road used to be a ten foot tall wooden carved statue of a sasquatch located in the side yard of someone’s house.  I mean seriously, how could this not make your day, especially if you are like me and secretly wish you could believe in the sasquatch’s existence.  You should know that I am guessing on the height of the statue because I have not had the privilege of seeing the statue up close.  But the point is that the sasquatch helped to break up the monotony of my drive home.  Oh look, there’s the sasquatch, it is not far now!

The sasquatch used to brighten my day with its unwavering presence.  I would drive by and there it would be.  I have even been know to use the sasquatch as a landmark while giving directions to our house.  Once you get on Boring Road it is easy.  Continue driving up the hill, you will see a sasquatch on your right hand side.  A mile past the sasquatch turn right off Boring Road at the large ceramic rooster.  If you pass the house that puts up the giant Grinch on their roof at Christmas then you have gone too far.  I think I give pretty stellar directions so I often wonder why people who come to our house for the first time end up calling, lost and very far away from where they should be.

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It’s not like he could just decide to walk away.  The sasquatch.  I am talking about the sasquatch in case you got confused and were thinking about the ceramic rooster or the Grinch.  But apparently I was wrong because he has done just that.  It has been eight months since my last sasquatch sighting.  I look for it every time I pass the place where he used to be.  It is simply not there.

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I know it is stupid but I just can’t shake it.  Where did the sasquatch go?  And how did it go?  Who took it?  And why?  I have played over in my mind many time the conversation I would have with the people who live in the house next to where the sasquatch used to stand.  The people who lost my sasquatch.  Several times I have almost pulled into their driveway to ask them because I really, really want to know.  And now so much time has passed since the disappearance of the sasquatch that it would just seem too creepy to ask.

I guess the best I can hope for is to one day get a flat tire in close proximity to their house, feint that I don’t have a cell phone, and ask to use their phone.  In this scenario I would have a reason to be at their house and could casually bring up the distinct lack of sasquatches in the area and just see where the conversation goes.  That is my plan unless you can come up with a better one.

p.s.  I think I may have missed my calling as a cartographer…

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About shoes

I am an elementary school teacher, a former microbiologist, a mom to a herd of two boys, and a grilled cheese sandwich and beer connoisseur.
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23 Responses to My Sasquatch? I Think I Left it in My Other Pants.

  1. Quite a mystery here! I wonder if they put him inside and are dressing him for each holiday. 🙂

    • shoes says:

      Oh I hope so! I can see him with large bunny ears and mountains of fake plastic Easter grass coming up to his knees. And at Christmas, if I had my own 10 foot sasquatch, I would hang strands of tinsel on him, drape a string or two of lights across his arms, place a Santa hat crookedly up top his head, and hang a mistletoe sprig directly above him.

      I fear this may not be the case, however, since their house does not look like it has the space for vaulted ceilings tall enough to comfortably accommodate his grand stature.

  2. Jodi Stone says:

    Hmmm, it’s quite a puzzle. Perhaps you should knock and just say the kids were wondering…. they being so much smaller then you could all of a sudden have noticed, hey the Sasquatch is gone, what happened to it?

    • shoes says:

      This would be a great approach except for the fact that my five year old would call me out on it and say that he was not really thinking about the sasquatch but his momma was. I guess I could leave the kids in the car while I go up to their door and knock to inquire about their ten foot missing friend.

  3. Hetterbell says:

    Hehe, I like your maps. I find myself worried about the sasquatch now!

    • shoes says:

      Ahhh. This is what I love about you. You are worried about my sasquatch (who is not technically mine) that has gone missing eight months ago and, if I am correct, you live a good half turn of the globe away from me. Dang it! Now I really do need to find out about his whereabouts, if not for me, then for you and all my other worried readers.

      Glad you like my maps. I was pretty impressed with the way they turned out considering I was interrupted at least a dozen times by the boys while I was working on them.

  4. Maybe he was real all along, posing as a statue every time you drove by, just to make people think he was mythical so they’d leave him alone 😀

    • shoes says:

      Nooooo!!! If I believe that then I completely missed my chance to have a good heart to heart chat with a Sasquatch – so tragic.
      But then again, that could mean that he is roaming in my forest right now. It could also explain why the level of the humming bird feeder keeps going down so quickly lately – sasquatches do so love their sugar water nightcap.

  5. susielindau says:

    There is a giant cowboy on Highway 66 and I see it whenever I ride the monster loop to Lyons and back. He would be sorely missed….

    • shoes says:

      Then you understand my sadness at the disappearance of the sasquatch. It was more than a landmark or statue, just as the giant cowboy is to you. May your cowboy never saunter off into the sunset leaving you to wonder of his whereabouts.

  6. I LOVE the map!!! My mom gives directions like you do hence so do I. Everyeone else says North South East and West and I’m like….umm which way is that?I love your map. You’d do great in my school we do a lot of mapping!

  7. mommysaidaswearword says:

    Hahaha. I don’t have much to say other than this post made me giggle. And that we have very similar direction-giving skills.

    • shoes says:

      That is all you need to say. I love to hear I made someone laugh. Glad you are also blessed with excellent direction giving skills!

  8. Yoga Mama says:

    Yes, fun post. I like the thought of him posing every time you drove past….maybe he did just walk away.

    • shoes says:

      It is a fun thought, isn’t it! And a bit liberating on the part of all Sasquatches. But it still does not solve my problem and address my needs of a 10 foot Sasquatch on my drive home. Maybe I should take up whittling so that one day I may be able to make my own.

  9. Beth says:

    Awesome map. Maybe the house will throw a yard sale or put a car for sale in the yard and you’ll have the perfect excuse to stop. Failing that, 2 other possible strategies are 1) waiting until your son’s school has a fund raiser and knocking to ask them to order summer sausages, popcorn, candy bars, etc.; or 2) going trick or treating at the house on Halloween. Inquiring minds want to know.

    • shoes says:

      A yard sale would be my perfect in! We tend to only subject family and friends to purchases of cookie dough and peanuts and we trick or treat at the local businesses downtown (it is the place to be on Halloween in our town). But…if the whole family dressed as sasquatches for Halloween and stopped there, maybe the people in the house would bring up the missing sasquatch themselves.

      Glad you like my map! 🙂

  10. Ted says:

    Great story. Not knowing Sasquatch’s fate may open the door to speculation for years to come– which could be fun in its own right. I tell my kids stories of my youth at bedtime and one that has come up recently is the story of the “purple lady”. I never saw the purple lady, personally, but we’d drive by her house in the early to mid seventies in rural Virginia on the way to my grandmothers’ houses. Standing in the middle of a series of fields, her dwelling was a modest little thing, painted purple. It was a landmark of interest for us as kids and we would ask over and over, “did we pass it yet? is it coming up soon?” Somehow the story has taken on myth status — I mean, it has been 30+ years. There’s a purple car in the drive. Purple curtains. The purple lady herself is very large and wears a tent-like purple dress. Sometimes she has purple hair, a purple cat and a purple baby.

    I think your Sasquatch story is far from over.

    • shoes says:

      Ohhh, I like this! Stories that turn mythical and grow over time are the best. The Sasquatch could make for a good family story to pass down through the generations. And the speculation has already started. Was the Sasquatch a statue or a Sasquatch posing as a statue of a Sasquatch? And if indeed it was a statue, maybe through some magical spell or series of strange events, life was breathed into him like Frosty the Snowman or Pinocchio.

      I love your Purple Lady story, thanks for sharing it with me.

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