Our house is situated on a dead end road off a cul-de-sac of another road, off a long road that leads into town. Or out of town, depending on which way you are going. That being the case, we drive on this long road, which I will call Boring Road, a lot. There are one or two other ways to get to our house which lessen the time driving on Boring Road but I usually end up taking the shorter route and suffering the monotony of it all.
One of the few awesome things about driving on Boring Road used to be a ten foot tall wooden carved statue of a sasquatch located in the side yard of someone’s house. I mean seriously, how could this not make your day, especially if you are like me and secretly wish you could believe in the sasquatch’s existence. You should know that I am guessing on the height of the statue because I have not had the privilege of seeing the statue up close. But the point is that the sasquatch helped to break up the monotony of my drive home. Oh look, there’s the sasquatch, it is not far now!
The sasquatch used to brighten my day with its unwavering presence. I would drive by and there it would be. I have even been know to use the sasquatch as a landmark while giving directions to our house. Once you get on Boring Road it is easy. Continue driving up the hill, you will see a sasquatch on your right hand side. A mile past the sasquatch turn right off Boring Road at the large ceramic rooster. If you pass the house that puts up the giant Grinch on their roof at Christmas then you have gone too far. I think I give pretty stellar directions so I often wonder why people who come to our house for the first time end up calling, lost and very far away from where they should be.
It’s not like he could just decide to walk away. The sasquatch. I am talking about the sasquatch in case you got confused and were thinking about the ceramic rooster or the Grinch. But apparently I was wrong because he has done just that. It has been eight months since my last sasquatch sighting. I look for it every time I pass the place where he used to be. It is simply not there.
I know it is stupid but I just can’t shake it. Where did the sasquatch go? And how did it go? Who took it? And why? I have played over in my mind many time the conversation I would have with the people who live in the house next to where the sasquatch used to stand. The people who lost my sasquatch. Several times I have almost pulled into their driveway to ask them because I really, really want to know. And now so much time has passed since the disappearance of the sasquatch that it would just seem too creepy to ask.
I guess the best I can hope for is to one day get a flat tire in close proximity to their house, feint that I don’t have a cell phone, and ask to use their phone. In this scenario I would have a reason to be at their house and could casually bring up the distinct lack of sasquatches in the area and just see where the conversation goes. That is my plan unless you can come up with a better one.
p.s. I think I may have missed my calling as a cartographer…