Today is the first day of school. I need two classes (US History and Mathematics for Elementary Teachers) and must take one more big scary test before I can officially breath, knowing I will indeed be able to start the Master’s of Education coursework this summer.
In less than a week I will boldly be staring down the last year of my thirties. Some days I feel too old to start over, to recreate myself. Some days I am beyond excited by this new chapter in my book of life. Some days I simply wonder where the time has gone.
Routines will change for everyone. I hate the idea of not being there for the boys. I have lined up daycare during the two days I have class this spring. For Cody there will be little change, he will get on the bus at a different stop once a week. But for Carter I will see little of him during those morning and he will be getting on the bus for preschool at a friend’s house.
Our awesome babysitter, who is a Junior in high school this year, has decided to take on the task of watching both boys for the long summer days, Monday through Thursday, when I will be on campus immersed in the master’s program from 8-4. Fridays I imagine I will have papers to write and tests to study for so she may have them on those day too.
I have not figured out how Cody will get to his physical therapy, perhaps Husband’s work can be flexible. Swim lessons may have to sink. Meal planning will have to be the rule and I doubt I will have time to make muffins or cookies.
I can not even think about Cody having a seizure somewhere while in the care of someone else. Just the act of typing that brings me to tears and makes my throat choke up. I can barely get through one of his episodes while I am there to comfort him, how will I get through not being there at all?
Today is also the day my second article runs in The News Tribune. I never thought this exciting opportunity to be published in the pages of a black and white paper, would take second stage. At this point in my life it has. And that makes me more than a little sad. (Here is the link to my first article, in case you missed it.)
I hate to even tell you this but I have even briefly considered telling the newspaper editor that I can’t hack it, that it is simply too much. But no, I will not do that.
I will take that newspaper column and I will use it as my playground, my space to express my creativity. I will use it as a place to keep my writing style mine for I fear that all those numerous papers I will be required to write for one class or another will chip away at my writing style. I don’t think my professors will want poetics and imagery in papers about learning styles or diversity in the classroom.
So I will press on and try not to panic. I will work hard and accept that not everything will get done in the way it used to get done.
Please remember that I want to keep my blog and identity hush-hush. I love comments and shares on the newspaper’s website (thank you to those of you that did so on my first article!) but try and refrain from calling me Shoes or mentioning ShoesOnTheWrongFeet.