We knew this day was coming, it was just a matter of time. We got official word last week that the jig is up.
For the past five years Husband has been contracting with the military as a software engineer. Each year his contract comes up for renewal and each year it gets renewed. Except when it doesn’t. So come the end of September we will basically be a zero income family. I fear that this could be problematic and that we may end up living in a cardboard box or two under a bridge selling friendship bracelets to afford Cody’s physical therapy. And for the record, I am not very good at making friendship bracelets.
But seriously we are not in true panic mode, well not yet anyway. I am doing my best to look at this as a positive change, an adventure if you will. I have full and complete confidence that Husband will find a job. He is awesome at what he does, he has a great work ethic, and he is an all around kind and personable guy. I trust him and, I hope this does not sound old fashioned or something, but I know he can and will take care of us, his family.
I also know that I am an asset to our family in the sense that while I have not been bringing in an income for the past five years, I could if need be. I would rather be able to stay at home with the boys for another year or two, at least until Carter starts kindergarten. I do not want to put either of the boys in daycare. I am a control freak when it comes to being a mom. The first year we had Cody, I worked full time and Husband worked out of the house so we had a neighbor/friend watch Cody for several hours a day a few times a week. I remember crying when I found out she had given him baby food pears for the first time and that she, not me, got to see the look on his face as he tasted something new. I hated that feeling that I was missing out on things, even the smallest things. This must be how Husband feels when he goes off to work each day. I think of this and try my best to tell him the details, the silly things, of our daily going-ons.
For now we talk of “the approaching state of destitution” or “the unemployment” (as if it is some horrible disfiguring disease) in whispers or mask it in humor so as not to alert the boys that change is afoot. I have started using the words “adventure” and “change” in exciting tones to prepare them for what is up ahead. And really, it will be an adventure. I just have to keep telling myself that change is good. We have time to plan and we have a rainy day the sky is falling cushion tucked away. It will be ok.
My main concern is one of health care. We need good health care, one that allows us unlimited visits to physical therapy and yearly haste MRI’s, visits to specific neurosurgeons and neurologists and will not completely break our bank when we land in the ER yet again for another seizure. Right now we pay out the nose for our insurance, we are forced to meet our deductible two times a year because they have made it a habit to discontinue our plan mid-year and each time they restart the deductible (as well as increase the premium and decrease services.) Don’t get me started. But with our insurance, I know the lingo. I know how to ask for, and receive out of network referrals for Cody’s medical needs.
We may move, perhaps even out of state. The task of moving seems so completely daunting to me, so impossible. There is the strong possibility of me having to go back to work sooner rather than later. There is the need to find new schools, write new IEPs for both boys, find good physical, occupational, and speech therapists. If we move out of state I will have to find new pediatric neurosurgeons and neurologists that I trust. The list of items is long and scary. But we are smart and brave and together.
Deep breath. Say it with me “Change is good, life is an adventure, and everything will be just fine.”
Shoes On The Wrong Feet 