This is What I Did This Morning. What Did You do?

The boys and I had just finished reading back to back Curious George stories this morning when Delilah (the-cat-who-is-not-our-cat) came in.  Flap, flap, flap went the plastic doggie door flap, a trick she has just learned.  I looked up and the words, well good morning Delilah, died on my lips.  In her mouth was a limp chipmunk.  I got up and maybe let out a little squeak.  She dropped her catch in the middle of the living room floor expecting, I don’t know, praise or a pat on the back for a job well done.  The chipmunk saw his opportunity and took it.  He scampered around the couch and darted under my computer desk.  The chase was on with Delilah hot on his tail and me right behind Delilah.

For a moment it appeared that it was trapped in the corner behind my computer.  Leaving Delilah as a lookout (and the boys who were were peering over the back of the couch) I ran for the kitchen and grabbed a large circular Tupperware container.  Nope, no knock-off brand plastic storage container for this job.  Back in a flash, I moved my stool out of the way and started moving various cords and computer type things out of the way.  No chipmunk.  I picked up Delilah and moved her over.

The chipmunk materialized from out of nowhere, leapt into the air elegantly executing a backwards triple flip, landed on my keyboard, did a Google search for “How to Get out of a People House” (the never written and rarely talked about sequel to Dr. Seuss’s book A People House), quickly updated his Facebook status to read “Yuck!  I am trapped in some strange woman’s house who apparently doesn’t know how to dust her computer keyboard”, then dropped down from the edge of my desk and back behind the two ton, seven foot tall, solid wood, with double glass doors bookcase that I could not move alone if I tried.  Yes, I know that was a run on sentence and that some of the contents of said sentence may not be fully accurate but I was rather panicked at the time and to be honest, I still am.

While this is all playing out, I hear from over my shoulder Carter clapping and hollering out this is just like a video game!  and this is awesome!  Yeah, Carter it is just like that.  I pick up Delilah and toss her out the front door.  I grab our emergency flashlight that is always on the kitchen counter and shine it behind the bookshelf hoping to catch a view of the varmint.  I do not see him but now know that he is good at camouflage just like Peeta from The Hunger Games.  I block one side of the bookshelf so he only has one exit, warn the boys for the thousandth time to stay on the couch, and then start whapping on the bookshelf and making a racket.  My half baked plan works like a charm as he bolts out from his hiding place and runs.  Lucky for me he runs straight forward and does not decide to detour to the right to check out our bedrooms down the hall.

He is standing by the front door.  Alas it is closed.  I creep up to him, staying low, my Tupperware container at the ready.  He darts to under the entryway table; I open the front door but leave the screen door closed because I see Delilah out there waiting.  Then in a move that really should not have worked I blindly make a scooping motion under the table with my container.  When I pull it out it has a small, frightened chipmunk curled up in the bottom.  I have no lid.  It takes me about two seconds to swing wide the screen door and hurdle both chipmunk and container outside.  I think at that point I may have screamed.

The freed chipmunk runs for cover behind our recycle bin, Delilah is on the chase again.  I start to go back in the house but can’t leave that poor critter to be mauled and quite possibly brought back into our house.  I head towards the cat and out of the corner of my eye see the boys at the screen door about to open it.  The broom I use to sweep the front walk falls, maybe I brushed against it, and the chipmunk runs away from the noise and directly towards the about to be opened front door.  I shriek out orders not to open the door.  He clears the three steps to our front door in one bound, stands for a moment as if he has rung the doorbell and is waiting to be let back in, and then plops down into the bushes beside our house and is gone.

And who says you need coffee to jump start your day?

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About shoes

I am a blogger, a former microbiologist, a stay at home mom to a herd of two boys, and a grilled cheese sandwich and beer connoisseur.
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45 Responses to This is What I Did This Morning. What Did You do?

  1. what a great story teller you are – crazy chipmunk – my cat brought us a baby bunny once and the bunny got up and ran away – fortunately it was outside -we have no flapper door. This was hilarious – I could see the action–and all your asides are so funny and spot on. This was really good writing!

    • shoes says:

      I’ll take that as quite the compliment coming from you since your career is in the written word. As soon as the chipmunk crisis was over and the boys were happily playing outside I sat and wrote this while it was fresh in my mind. As the sun sets in my little part of the world, there is one more cat wearing a collar with a bell! Maybe this will keep such craziness from happening again.

  2. mimijk says:

    Way to go!! And you question whether or not you’re getting enough exercise!!! :-)

    • shoes says:

      Ha! I suddenly envision a small silver spray painted box being packaged with my “Keeping it Real – Reality Workout” DVD with instructions to place it near the TV. The words FRAGILE! written in red on all sides. As the consumer is working out and their heart rate reaches cardio levels the integrity of the box begins to weaken. When the unsuspecting person working out is tired and ready to stop, the box falls away to reveal several live chipmunks (who have been happily living in the box with a nice supply of acorns and hazelnuts). Reality in every box. Sure to raise your heart rate and burn off that extra fat as you chase the chipmunks around your house.

      -Really it is these random stories that pop into my head that can keep me entertained for days. Sorry to subject you to one. ;-)

  3. You seem to be having a rodent filled summer.

  4. This makes me miss having cats – so much fun! My dog never brings me things to chase…

    • shoes says:

      Cats are great fun. Chasing chipmunks around my living room and wondering how many more are hiding/dying/peeing or pooping behind various pieces of furniture – not so much. :-)

  5. muddledmom says:

    Glad you got it out! Poor chippie. Last week a lizard got in the house. It wasn’t quite as exciting as your story, but my son told me to quit screaming because I was scaring it. If the lizard would have stopped running at me, I would have.

    • shoes says:

      This song was running around in my head as the scene unfolded (I am eager to see if this will actually embed in the comment, as I have not done this before.)

      Poor lizard… :-)

  6. Christine says:

    Yeah, your morning kicked my morning’s ass.

  7. Mary Ann says:

    Good job on getting rid of the chipmunk. Very nicely written – I felt like I was right there watching the entire scene unfold.

    • shoes says:

      Thank you – it was pretty fun to write. I called Husband after the whole ordeal was behind me and told him that it would make a good blog post. He asked me if I had managed to take pictures of the chipmunk running around the house. Now that would have been a trick! Glad you enjoyed.

  8. OK, so I’ll hang at your house in lieu of a.m coffee, and you can hang at mine in the afternoon for some relaxing incoming tide…what an adventure you described!!

    • shoes says:

      Love your idea. I will be sure to remove Delilah’s new purple collar,complete with bell, when you visit so you are assured some morning excitement to get you going. Ahh, an afternoon of relaxing incoming tide, sounds lovely.

  9. Beth says:

    Deep, calming breath – I’m exhausted reading your description. Time to show the boys some old Chip and Dale cartoons?

    • shoes says:

      Try reading it aloud – some of those run-on sentences can leave you gasping for air! :-)

      Ah, I used to love Chip and Dale cartoons. I wonder if the boys would like them, I bet they would.

  10. Stephanie says:

    Well written post! I would have been screaming hysterically, yikes!

    • shoes says:

      Thank you. I think the overwhelming horror of what would happen if I could not catch the chipmunk motivated me to stay focused and not freak out until the very end. There are a lot of places in a house a chipmunk can hide… I shudder to think.

  11. Ms. Lipstick says:

    Hilarious post!!!!! reminds me of day when I got bit by a bandicoot!!!! Not half as funny as this one.

    • shoes says:

      I don’t know what a bandicoot is but I don’t think I want to get bit by one! Glad you enjoyed the post and thanks for the comment.

  12. Hetterbell says:

    I’m sure you weren’t finding it funny at the time, but you certainly told it in a very funny way. You painted quite a picture! :)

    • shoes says:

      No, I did not find it in the least bit funny at the time. Can you imagine a chipmunk in your house and all the places it could hide?!? I was was so focused of catching it I did not even have time to freak out. So glad the little thing jumped into my Tupperware container and got a one way ticket to the great outdoors. Delilah has a nice purple collar with a bell and I hope that does the trick. ;-)

  13. Jodi Stone says:

    Shoes….this was brilliant. I laughed out loud and could just picture all of this in my mind. Loved it!!

    • Jodi Stone says:

      It really only could have been better had the boys recorded the entire scene. I could see this going viral.

      • shoes says:

        Oh God no! My words going viral – that might be alright – but a video of me, especially chasing a chipmunk around the house wildly waving a Tupperware container, that would not do at all. :-)

  14. jensine says:

    while you’ve been busy I’ve been lazy … mmhhh not good (me not you)

  15. christiana83 says:

    Wow, how exciting! And well written, too! This is the one thing I can’t stand about cats…. Otherwise I love them :). We had a cat-who-was-not-our-cat too, at our old house. He was an awesome hunter, and I was constantly trying to save those poor mice and baby birds.

    • shoes says:

      I have saved numerous critters from Delilah’s furry paw of death. I never wanted an indoor/outdoor cat. All my cats have been either one or the other but with Delilah choosing us to live with instead of our neighbors we don’t have much choice. She is so sweet, snuggling with the boys at bedtime and laying on our laps, but the bringing in of animals into our house is really not cool.

      Thanks for the comment!

  16. Momma Margi says:

    HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA What a great morning!!

    • shoes says:

      I am not sure I would agree with you on that. It made for a good story but I am not sure the story was worth going through the experience. Now every time I hear the doggie door flap I am on edge.

  17. Pingback: Blog of the Year 2012 Award | Heart Like A Dog

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