Do you have zebras in your Home Depot?
Yesterday Carter and I went in search of the perfect flower pots. It is never easy to find something when you have an exact image of what you want in your head. I wanted ceramic pots with the bottom having a circumference not much bigger than the palm of my hand. They must have a drain hole because when I remember to water the soil is usually hard and dry. I then over water to compensate for my lack of watering and this leads to plant drownings. The pots needed to be festive but in solid colors. And I wanted two of each for a total of six pots.
After an extensive search we ended up at Home Depot. I prefer to shop at the smaller, local nurseries but I was on a quest for the perfect pots and they did not have them. Luck for us Home Depot had almost exactly want I wanted (I say almost because in my mind the colors were more vibrant and less pastel.) Carter helped me pick out the colors and I gritted my teeth at the thought of paying almost three dollars each for the saucers but they matched the pots and I could not resist.
With our lovely pots and expensive saucers placed just so in the shopping cart we headed out to look at their flower selection. Carter kept picking out ground cover flowers and plants that were much too large for our small pots. We both kept getting drawn back to the oranges and yellows of the simple marigolds. After much hemming and hawing, we chose the taller African marigolds over the two tone dwarf ones. I was not one hundred percent happy with our flower selection so we were perusing the flowers one last time when it happened.
carter: Momma, I have to go pee. I have to go peeee, now, Now, NOW!
We were, of course, at the furthest spot in the store from the bathrooms (technically we weren’t even in the store being at the edge of the outdoor garden area.)
me: Ok sweetheart, lets just leave the cart here and go find the bathroom.
I kept looking over my shoulder at our cart of perfect pots and the flowers it had taken so long to pick out but I knew if I tried to take it with us we would never make it. I had to trust it would be there when we got back. I directed Carter through the doors and in between the two check stands. It was very busy for a Wednesday afternoon, the sun bringing out the gardener in folks. As we passed between the two lines of people waiting to check out, Carter makes a loud announcement, voice filled with panic.
carter: Momma, I squeezing my penis SO tight! He starts dance-walking and whimpering. Things are not looking good. People are staring.
me: Hold on Carter, we are almost there. We are getting closer, you can make it.
We are getting closer but I am starting to think we will not make it. I consider picking him up and running but if we don’t make it then I will just be wearing his pee along with him. We round the corner and go through the automatic doors past the gardening area into the actual store. His whimpering is getting louder and more intense. Then it comes to me. A brilliant idea that has been used by parents and dog owners alike – distraction.
me: Whoa, Carter! Watch out for that zebra! It was the first thing that popped into my head.
We are still holding hands and running/speed walking. Carter looks at me like I am crazy, his almost bursting bladder momentarily forgotten.
carter: What zebra? I don’t see any zebras.
me: What? You didn’t see that zebra? He was standing right there behind the forklift. I am pretty sure there was a giraffe with him.
I see the restroom sign. There is only about 100 feet between us and the bathroom. I pick him up and run.
Crisis averted, we return to where we left our cart. It is still there with its perfect pots and marigolds. We go home, pick up Cody from the bus and plant our flowers – the zebras at Home Depot long forgotten.
So let this be a warning to you, next time you end up at Home Depot, watch out it’s a jungle in there.