Tomorrow I start my last week of full time student teaching. I can’t believe how quickly it has gone by. I am trying not to panic as I job search, fill out very time consuming on-line applications to districts without any current open positions in hopes of being ready when they do open.
Last Wednesday during last recess I got a call on the phone in my classroom that Cody was in the health room at his school. He had a seizure in his classroom. He was still non-responsive when they called me. It had been over 2 minutes – no one was exactly sure of the time that had passed. I fault no one for this as I know that when I am caught in that space where my son is turning blue, can not talk to me, and is somewhere else and I don’t know when he will be back, that time is elusive. It is not easy to make concrete – it fades in and out and sometimes it ceases to exist at all. I have tried to describe this feeling many times before but I simply cannot – it is petrifying.
My mentor teacher was in the room so when I dropped everything, panic clawing at my throat so I could hardly speak, she tried to stop me for a moment to get me to pause, to breath, to be ok to drive. I could not pause – there was no time for even a slight catch of breath. I have anti-seizure meds in my purse. I ran. I am a seven minute drive away – even with the red light.
Cody is fine. He spend the day with Husband the following day. I had a meeting with my principal that I did not feel I could cancel (I had canceled on her the previous week due to Carter throwing up in class). I barely made it through that day and I have to confess that I was far from a great teacher on that particular day.
Tomorrow I turn 40. A large populous of people in our small town are aware of this due to the fact that Carter felt the need to pronounce to the whole of Costco and Albertson’s in his loud and proud 5 year old voice that his momma would be 40 tomorrow. Sigh. I don’t want to feel old. I don’t want to feel tired. But today I do. Maybe tomorrow I will feel better.
It has been a long week. I have had a glass of wine with dinner and feel that it is in my best interest to not continue answering the 7 of the 9 questions I still need to complete for a job addendum – a job that closes on the 9th.
And so time steadily goes on – foot over foot over foot.
I kissed my boys on their foreheads tonight as I tucked them securely under their covers. I told them how lucky I was having them in my life.
I am lucky. My life is good. There are challenges and struggles, but we all have them, have we not?
And so, once again my Simple Sunday post is not really simple. But at least it is Sunday so I have half of it right.