I do not remember when I first started writing.  I have notebooks with my writings in them dating back to 1987, back farther still if you count my lockable diary I got when I was in the third grade.  I enjoyed playing with words, pairing words not typically seen together, just to hear how they would sound, what type of vibe they would give off.  In high school English class I would learn the rules so that I could “break” them.  Oh yes, little defiant me would start sentences with (gasp!) and.  I would put quotations around thin air on the top of the page and claim that to be the title of my poem when our teacher required all our poems to have titles.  I remember writing a poem about an obtuse triangle who wished to be a right triangle (yes, I know, what a great topic, right!) and drawing a picture of a triangle as my title.  And that was a couple years before Prince changed his name to the Love Symbol.

In my early teen years I wrote a lot about darkness and was really hung up on the color gray as a feeling of not right or wrong, not black or white, not alive or dead – just somewhere in between unsure and occasionally forgotten.

In school I had a good solid group of friends but most of the boys I hung out with were not the type you would want your daughter spending time with.  I listened to butt rock, hair bands, and a bit of The Cure for good measure.  I acted the bad girl role but could never really fully commit to it.  I dated guys that were a couple years older then me.  I put myself in situations that could have been disastrous but were not.  Through all of it I wrote.

I do not remember if it was the end of my junior year or the start of my senior one that I started dating and eventually became engaged to a manipulative, emotionally abusive, prick whom I will refer to as Asshat.  I stayed with Asshat for over three years.  A lot can happen in three years and during that time I stopped writing.  I did manage to complete almost a year of college before the monies I had saved, which should have lasted for several, ran out.  We sold everything we owned, and ended up living out of our Buick Regal for a couple months before landing in Arizona where we couch surfed at Asshat’s friends places.

When I was finally able to screw my courage to the sticking place and leave him I was too proud to ask my parents for help.  I stayed in Arizona and built myself back up.  But for some reason I did not start writing again.  I worked, gained residency and promptly got myself back into college.  I got a degree in the sciences where the only writing I had to do was technical with pretty graphs and eye blurring printouts of DNA sequences.  I met Husband and we dated for six and a half years before getting married.  Four years later we had Cody followed by Carter two years after that.  But still I did not write.

Seven months ago and 100 posts later here I am – writing.

About Shoes

I am an elementary school teacher, a former microbiologist, a mom to a herd of two boys, and a grilled cheese sandwich and beer connoisseur.
This entry was posted in Blogging/Writing and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

22 Responses to 100

  1. Mary Ann says:

    I think it’s great that you are writing again. I can relate to what you are talking about. I did a lot of writing during my teenage years, and my early 20s, and then life took over. I wish that I would have written more while my children were little.

    It’s great that you have 100 posts already – congratulations!

  2. Yoga Mama says:

    congrats! glad you are still writing. And I like starting sentences with “and” as a way to make a blog conversational…wrong though it is.

    • shoes says:

      I also greatly enjoy using dashes – such as that one and this one – to inject a thought inside a thought. And if I am feeling really crazy I embed a sentence inside a sentence within parentheses. What can I say, it amuses me. I am glad to be writing again. 🙂

  3. muddledmom says:

    I can relate. I too took time off from writing and now find blogging a great, new way to journal. Congrats on 100 posts! This was a good read. Now go for 100 more.

    • shoes says:

      Somehow blogging seems easier than actually putting pen to paper in a traditional journal plus there is the benefit of being part of a community of wonderful bloggers (and there is spell check; I love spell check.) I am so glad I started doing this and fully expect to post another 100.

  4. When you stop doing the things you love, you know you are in a bad spot in life. Perhaps you transformed from that obtuse triangle the the “right” triangle! Congrats and keep on writing!

    • shoes says:

      Ahh – thank you for the right triangle comment! 🙂
      You are very right about the bad spot in life. I knew it at the time but felt unable to change anything. Because of those experiences, the good and especially the bad, I look at life much differently then I think I would have without them. It helped to carve out who I am today and for that I am thankful.

  5. Gems says:

    Asshat did not squash your true self completely! You are a writer and you are back…thank goodness! Well done for getting away from such a guy, and even more well done for finding the right one and having such a beautiful family. xxx

    • shoes says:

      No Asshat did not squash my true self, although for a while there I was not sure.
      It is very nice to be writing again. Thank you for the complements – calling me a writer and commenting on my amazing family. 🙂 I am in a comfortable space.

  6. Nancy says:

    Wow! What a life! It’s like I was reading an excerpt from my life book. Great post. Good for you to come back to writing. The writers in us never really go away, do they? I too have recently come back to, shall we say, committed writing. I have always written. I’m an editor by profession. But until I started my blog recently, I wasn’t really really writing. I was just jotting down notes to be completed at a later date…which, with two children and a workaholic husband, never really comes. I love your blog. Keep on writing! It does wonders for the soul, doesn’t it?

  7. shoes says:

    Yeah, the journey through life is not all cherry blossoms and hot chocolate is it. I am sorry you have also gone through some tough times. I am glad you are blogging; I truly enjoy reading your posts.
    Oh dear, an editor by profession. Reading my blog. I hope I don’t leave you with too much to be critical about. Once I commited to blogging I spent the first couple months reading books on how to write non-fiction as well as books to brush up on my rusty proper use of the English language. I don’t know if it helped me or not but it was rather strange that I found myself enjoying those books.
    And yes, it is amazing for the soul!

  8. Jodi Stone says:

    Oh my dear, how I love the word Asshat! You made me laugh out loud, something I really needed today!

    Congratulations on your 100th post! It is addictive, isn’t it?

    I don’t really remember when I started writing, I guess I’ve kind of dabbled for a while, but now I am ready to make the commitment and am very happy to have you along side of me.

  9. shoes says:

    Glad I could make you laugh. I find that people don’t use the word Asshat nearly enough. 🙂

  10. Beth says:

    To the poetry title rebel – congratulations on rediscovering your writing voice. Keep going!

  11. Hetterbell says:

    Congratulations on coming through such hardships and becoming a stronger person for it. I’m glad you started to write again. 🙂

  12. mamaplus says:

    Yay, congratulations and keep up your great writing.

    Reading through these comments is heartwarming too – may all of you never let the craziness of life or the influence of asshats stop you from committed writing again! 🙂

  13. shoes says:

    Thank you for the complement. It is pretty amazing how the simple act of writing can bring people together but I find it interesting how fragile the instrument of writing is. How it can easily be set aside, misplaced, cracked, or forgotten. I am so glad to be writing again, not just for me but for the people it has brought into my life – all the kind souls in the blogosphere.
    p.s. You are awesome for using the word asshats. 🙂

  14. Maiya says:

    I also wrote in my early teens mostly to deal with what was happening. But gave up when I was told it wouldn’t put bread on the table. Now that I began writing again and can’t seem to stop. Congratulations on your 100 post. I can’t even think that far a head right now.

    • shoes says:

      I am glad you have started writing again – it is such a wonderful and healthy form of expression – you have such a way with words. I especially find the ways in which you describe the darker side of humanity so intense. Thank you for the comment.

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