The Bald Truth

These are all pictures of me.  Notice anything?

Bald Truth Collage

I have Alopecia.  I have had it since my senior year in high school although at that time it was not noticeable.  I went completely bald in 1994 when my natural golden locks failed me to the point that I could no longer fake it.  I shaved it and wore a hat and later a bandanna.  It was during a great transition period in my life in which I had just broke it off with Asshat and was alone in Phoenix, Arizona.  To prove more to myself than anyone else, I refused my parents pleads and offers for help.  After moping about and drinking myself into a dangerous situation or two, I picked myself up and got on with my life.  A new chapter.

Other than the stares, the often asked questions of cancer, and the painful self-awareness of just how different I looked the first roadblock was the discrimination I faced when trying to find a job.  Apparently no one wants to hire a bald girl in a hat or bandanna.  I sold the only treasured possession that I had managed to hold on to, my electric guitar, and bought a cheap wig.  It itched.  It was hot.  It looked wiggy.  I hated it but the very first job I applied for while wearing it I got.  From that point on I lived a double life.  I wore that evil blond wig on my bus ride to and from work and all day at work but as soon as I got to the place I called home, a two bedroom apartment in a sketchy neighborhood I shared with two roommates, it was immediately replaced by my old trusty dark blue bandanna.

I gravitated towards the party scene partially because both of my roommates were over the age of 21 and partially because I had a rather sheltered childhood and was amazed at what the city and grown-up life had to offer.  I am from a small farming community.  I thought ice cream trucks and dance clubs were only found on t.v.  We went to parties on the weekends and when there wasn’t one we went to dance clubs.  In this environment my lack of hair was not looked at as strange, it was a form of self expression.  I was a cute punk girl and that was fine with me (some of those punk boys are rather cute, you know.)

The story continues and while there is a lot I can write about my experience with hair loss and how it effected me on a multitude of levels, I will save it for another post or two.  I want to tell you about my Alopecia now because it has been on my mind a lot lately.

I started wearing wigs in January 2011, the year Cody started kindergarten.  I started wearing them for him, so he would not be the boy who’s mother is bald.  I did not want him to be teased.  I did not start wearing them for myself but it has turned into just that.  I enjoy not being the only bald woman in the grocery store.  I like not being asked if I am “fighting the good fight” and then have to listen politely to a story about someone’s mother/brother/aunt/uncle/cousin is battling cancer and how awful it is while I am waiting in line at the post office to buy stamps.

I like how I look with hair.  I like having hair but I am not very good at it yet.  When I catch a man looking at me in the produce section I immediately think something is wrong with my hair (my friends assure me this is not the reason I am being looked at, but I am not so sure.)   I have never been a girly girl and do not follow fashion trends, especial ones involving hair.  Let’s face it, the last time I had any hair to speak of it was at the early 90’s, almost the 80’s and we all know how awesome 80’s hairstyles were.  I shiver to think of what I would look like if I was left to my own devices   With the help of a lady who also has Alopecia but who is in fact a girly girl, I have entered the world of wigs.

It is a science.  No, it is an art form.  I am not very good at art but I do well with science.  I am trying and I am learning.  This summer I have transitioned from synthetic wigs to human hair ones and have gone from just above the shoulder length to about three inches longer.  My new wig is much more comfortable but takes more work to maintain.  I dread the start of the school year because my hair is not only longer but the color is a bit different.  I am not sure what to say when people comment that my hair grew fast or ask me where I get my hair done.  I do not want to deceive anyone and if I try to keep it a secret then it becomes this big thing to hide.  My main concern is that Cody does not get teased over this.

So that is where my head is now, thinking about hair.

Bald Truth Heads

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Simple Sunday – A Forgotten Rind

A watermelon rind tossed aside and forgotten only to be found and enjoyed by another.

SS Rind

While I would have preferred the boys use the bowl left out specifically for watermelon rinds, I am glad it did not go to waste.

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Buckingham Palace

Every evening before the boys go to bed they are expected to clean up their toys.  Quite often they have to be told more than once but for the most part they know the routine and don’t make too many complaints.  Last night they had managed to take out all 100 pieces of play food, set up a blanket tent for their stuffed animals, make an intricate wooden train track set up, and use all their cardboard bricks to make a path around the chaos that was the t.v. room.  This was all done in the relatively short amount of time that it took me to clean up the kitchen after dinner.  If only I had such energy.

The process of cleaning was broken down into types of toys and the boys decided to work together to complete each grouping of toys before moving on to the next.  They put away the train, then the food.  I helped disassemble the blanket tent while they put away the stuffed animals.  That left the cardboard bricks.  The cardboard bricks take up a lot of space and so lately we have been fine with them stacked up in the hallway instead of rearranging the closet to fit them all in.  I left the boys to their final task so I could wash their swim suits and towels (because they may have touched the changing room floor at the Y last night – ugh!) and we need them again this morning.

Did they simply stack the bricks up in the hallway so they could be done cleaning up?  No, they did not.  They build not one, not two, but four Buckingham Palaces complete with gates.

Buckingham Palace

As you can see they ran out of bricks and had to appoint Zebra as guard to Palace Number Three.

Buckingham Palace the guard

Zebra was given a telescope to better do his job and as far as I know not a single intruder has gotten past his watchful eye.

*Why Buckingham Palace, you ask.  We have discovered Dodsworth and the duck adventure books at our library and the boys are quite taken with them.  If you have young kids who like to read I suggest you give them a try.  The author is Tim Egan and the book we read is Dodsworth in London.  If you are lucky like I am, after reading this book you might just find yourself with a Buckingham Palace or four in your hallway too.

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The Cat Conundrum

One nice day in early spring, our neighbor took her daughter to Arkansas for a three week long visit and never came back.  She had told no one of her plans not even her husband of nine years, the father of their child.

The house next door to ours where the three of them have lived for the past five years seems very empty, almost haunted by their lack of presence.  There are kid toys in the side yard, a child’s lawn chair on the deck.  I have hesitated to write about this because there is no way to get all the details, to get both sides of the story.  I only know that she did not speak ill of her husband and their daughter always seemed very overjoyed to see him when he came home from his job as a mailman.  I don’t believe there was anything sinister going on in the house next door.  Mr. Neighbor Guy seems like a nice normal man.

Mr. Neighbor Guy for the past four months has lived alone in the house next to us.  Husband has talked to him twice since the leaving and the guy seems genuinely devastated.  He still wears his wedding ring.  His daughter’s car seats are still in their cars for he can not bring himself to take them out.  He says that over the past year or two his wife had gotten more devoted to her religion whereas he had not.  His wife’s parents are also strongly religious.  They drove out here in their RV from Arkansas, stayed for a month or so and then one day left with his wife and child on what he thought was a short visit.  Evidentially she knew she was not coming back as she had a mobile home purchased and put together on a lot next to her parents house and that is where her and the daughter are living.

We only found out about this odd situation because of the cats.  As some of you know Delilah, whom I have referred to as the-cat-who-is-not-our-cat, is/was theirs along with a gorgeous white male cat named Bleu.  Both cats used to be strictly indoor cats until Mr. and Mrs. Neighbor had their daughter and moved next door to us.  Mrs. Neighbor Lady was strangely concerned with the thought that cats and their germs could hurt their child so she booted the cats out, giving them a cat door into their garage but no longer entrance to their house.

Last winter Delilah decided to adopt us, pawing at the front door asking to be let in.  We let her in.  Feeling guilty because she was not technically our cat we would put her out at night and we never feed her.  We thought of ourselves as awful people on the cold winter nights we put her out.  We started leaving a heated pad under a towel on a lawn chair next to our front door where she would sleep during the night.  We finally broke down and told Mrs. Neighbor Lady that Delilah was spending a lot of time in our house and asked if she would mind if we let her stay the night and if we could feed her.  She seemed happy about it and even made a strange comment that now makes sense.  She told me she was glad Delilah had someone to take care of her in case they ever had to move away.  I thought, how strange that they would consider moving and not take their cats, but I said nothing, relieved that she let us “have” Delilah.

After the shock wore off from hearing she had taken their daughter and left, my thoughts selfishly turned to Mr. Neighbor Guy’s plans.  What if he moved?  Would he take “our” cat?  We got an email from him a month or so ago.  I sped read it thinking, don’t take Delilah, don’t take Delilah, don’t take Delilah.  He did not want to take Delilah.  In fact he wanted to know if we would adopt both Delilah and Bleu.  He pointed out the apartment he is moving into can accept pets but he did not think it fair to lock the cats up indoors after their years of outdoor freedom.  We are all about taking Delilah but Bleu is a different story.

Bleu is shy and skittish.  He does not visit our yard very often and has never shown an interest in coming in our house.  I don’t think he would enjoy sharing a home with a nervous barky German Shepard and two loud quick moving boys.  We can not force him to live with us and I don’t think he would want us to.

Here are the options Husband and I have come up with.  Let me know if you have any suggestions.

  1. Allow Bleu to be strictly an outdoor cat but make sure he has food and water. – the flaw being we can never leave for a vacation because with raccoons and other various woodland creatures out there, we can’t leave food out for him.
  2. Try to have Bleu live like Delilah; they would both come and go and have food inside.  When we go on a trip we lock the cats in the house. – the flaw is that I don’t think Bleu wants to live with a dog and two crazy boys.
  3. Ask Mr. Neighbor Guy to leave us Delilah but not Bleu.  I don’t know if he would do this as the cats have been together their whole lives.  Seeing how they rarely interact with each other I don’t know how much they will miss one another. – flaw is he may say no and take Delilah.
  4. Cut a hole in our new detached garage and make that a safe place for Bleu to eat and sleep. – flaw is that raccoons and other cats could get in our garage.  Plus there is a feral cat, we named Handsome, who is insanely jealous of Delilah and pines for her when she is in our house.  He has claimed her as his own and has gone so far as to spray our front door, garbage cans, potted plants, etc.  He has gotten into our garage when the doors are open and has sprayed in there too.  It pisses me off (pun intended.)  We are considering live trapping him to see if fixing him will help, assuming he is not fixed already.

I don’t know how we end up in such strange predicaments.  If any of you have any suggestions or additional options for us, I am listening.

* Before I publish this I want to make clear that I am not making light of the sad situation our neighbors find themselves in.  I often find my thoughts drifting to it, wondering, shaking my head.  I am especially sad for the little girl who is the innocent in all of this.  The cat conundrum effects my family and our daily lives, whereas the goings-on of our neighbors effect us in a less immediate way. *

Posted in Furry Feet (and fish) | Tagged , , , , , | 13 Comments

Simple Sunday – Stability and Blueberries

For several years I have wanted to plant blueberry bushes in our yard.  For a variety of reasons I have not gotten around to it.

Blueberry gloves

This weekend, to celebrate the newfound stability in our lives, I planted three great blueberry bushes.

Blueberry Collage

What better way to embrace the ability to grow roots than to plant bushes that will provide berries for years to come?

Blueberries and deck

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Practically Living at the YMCA Pool

A week or two ago (actually I have no idea when, since having children my concept of time has become skewed and everything seems about a week or two ago) we were at the YMCA for Cody’s physical therapy swim.  He has been doing really well in the poo,l not only strengthening his muscles but learning how to swim.  The aquatics director at the Y noticed his improvement and started talking with Cody’s therapist.  The next thing I know they are offering us a swimming program called adaptive swim.

Adaptive swim is basically one on one swimming lessons for kids with special needs.  It is free with our membership just like normal swimming lessons.  They are offering it to us three times a week instead of the usual two (I am not sure why but I am also not asking.)  The instructors have been working with Cody’s PT swim therapist so they are aware of his abilities and limitations.  Cody loves it!  And did I mention it’s free?  We pay $140 an hour for PT every other week and only $70 for the swim PT during the off weeks since it is a thirty minute session.  This seriously adds up.  Being able to drop the swim PT while getting six times more for free is truly a beautiful thing.

The only downside is that I have to face my borderline phobia of public bathrooms/changing rooms more often.  The YMCA has family changing rooms so we are offered some privacy but still – yuck.  I am constantly harping on the boys not to touch the floor, not to let their towels touch the floor, and for God’s sakes how many times do I have to tell you to get your hand off the door handle, we are not all dressed yet!  By the time we are all dressed I am a nervous wreck and want to burn any and all articles of clothing that may or may not have touched any surface of the room.

Oh and the toilets, don’t get me started!  All the family changing rooms have one of those automatic flushing toilets.  Fine, I don’t have to foot flush and worry about my flip flop falling in the bowl, except these ones must have been designed by a very enthusiastic toilet engineer because it does not just flush, it FLUSHES.  The thing practically explodes in a fountain of water, spraying up and out in all directions.  And it does this just a fraction of a second before you are done with your business.  It is truly horrifying.

I know that the benefits of adaptive swim outweigh my issues with public facilities so we will keep going.  I have found some self preservation to be essential to my wellbeing.  First off, before any swim day I purposely dehydrate myself to minimize the need to use the YMCA’s bidet.  I get Cody in his suit at home so all he has to do is shower before his lesson.  I bring new and hopefully exciting books to lure Carter to hang out with me poolside so he does not want to swim.  It is so much easier to change only one child (plus then I don’t have to go in the pool.)  I feel guilt about this every time we go but justify my lack luster performance in this area with the fact that I do other amazingly motherly things like baking banana bread and always knowing where their favorite stuffed animal is.

So when the boys grow up Carter falls in the ocean and starts to sinks like a stone due to his lack of childhood swimming at least I can toss him his stuffed hippo to use as a flotation device along with a Ziploc baggie of banana bread to stave off his hunger while the coast guard come to his rescue.

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Serious Mad Props

I don’t know why the props are so serious.  Maybe they’re not serious but mad, in a serious way.  Regardless of the mental state of the props, I like the expression and think that it makes me sound way cooler than I actually am.  The serious mad props I am referring to are directed at Husband.  I am sure that if/when he reads this he will groan and wish I would not point my spotlight of awesomeness at him.

Spotlight of awesome

I can’t help myself though because he deserves to be recognized.

If you remember a while back I wrote about Husband’s government work contract ending and that our lives were about to be turned upside down come the end of September.  Unemployment, long commutes to low paying jobs, me having to go back to work before I am ready requiring us to put the boys in some form of daycare, moving out of state to chase jobs, and a great fear of changing medical insurance were just a few things keeping us awake at night.  I spun it as an adventure.  We would learn, grow, meet new people, experience new places – it would be, could be fun.  Life changes and one must find away to accept that in a positive way so as not to go crazy.  Well, change has come and it has come in an unexpected way and to a lesser degree then I could have hoped for (did I mention I don’t like change?)

In an odd defying moment, a software engineering job came on line just weeks after we learned of Husband’s impending unemployment.  The job was located in our small town, an almost impossibility.  We had never considered this possibility; thought it was too much to wish for.  Husband brushed up his résumé and submitted it on a Thursday.  On a Monday they called.  The next day, after a full day of work, Husband headed off to interview looking very handsome in his slacks, button up shirt, and tie.  He came home excited about the company, the work they do, the people he interviewed with, and the fact that it would be an eight minute commute.  His current commute is pushing forty-five minutes.

A week went by.  There was nothing, other than a simple reply to Husband’s email thanking them for their time.  Last week they called him and and asked him to come back in.  Then they offered him the job.  Everything about it is great (even the medical insurance) except that the salary is on the low end of our comfort level.  Anyone that knows anything about the contracting world knows you can’t compare salaries of a contract vs. permanent job.  We are used to the higher dollars that come with the instability of contracting.  We are also used to Husband not having PTO or health insurance through his job.  So while money will be tight, this is a stable position with growth potential.  Most importantly thought, Husband will be happy and this will make me happy.

Happy Collage

Husband starts his new job in two weeks.  I am very impressed with Husband and his mad interviewing skills.  I am thrilled that he is excited about it.  It will be good for him.  It will be good for our entire family.  He will no longer have to get up at 4:30 in the morning in order to work the early schedule the rest of his current co-workers do.  This means he can have breakfast with us every morning.  He will get more sleep and be better rested.  We can stay in our home, there is no longer a need to sell the house and move.  And while part of me was excited for a change of scenery this is much easier, so much easier.  I feel myself breathing out, expelling the stress and fear that have been residing inside me.  What a happy ending.

So to you Husband, I give serious mad props.

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Simple Sunday – Friends & Pie

Yesterday was our first Annual Summer Pie Day.  After breakfast we grabbed some buckets and bowls and walked to our neighborhood blackberry patch, a place the boys have coined

Blackberry Alley

SS Berry picking1

Instead of saying stop picking in reference to his nose, I told Carter

nice picking!

SS Carter berry picking

After washing and drying the berries, I got to work on the pie crust.  I had enough dough for a single pie crust already made and defrosted so all that was required was to roll it out and pop it in the pie pan.  There was a little dough left over that I gave to each boy.  A great fine motor/finger strengthening activity for Cody, the boys enjoyed making little pies and snakes with the

leftover dough

SS Cody and dough

I partially prebaked the crust to avoid the dreaded soggy bottom crust that can occur with berry pies, allowed the crust to cool and then put a nice layer of fresh berries inside.  The topping was a sweetened mixture of sour cream (sour cream, eggs, sugar, flour, vanilla extract, and orange zest) with a dusting of brown sugar streusel.  The recipe is from Ken Haedrich’s book simply titled Pie.  The pie I made was

Sour Cream-Blackberry Pie

SS the pie

With the pie left to cool, I employed the boys to help me make the

Veggie Shish kabobs

SS kabobs

In all there were six adults and five kids.  Since the day turned out to be hotter than expected, with temperatures into the 90’s, we busted out the wading pool and water toys.

There were water fights

SS waterfight

Husband was in charge of the grilling and it was

one full grill

SS the grill

After a great meal, and a short walk in the neighborhood we were ready to eat pie.  There was my sour cream-blackberry pie, a blackberry-peach pie, a chocolate ganache pie, and a lemon meringue pie.

All were delicious

SS pie plate

At the end of the night we divvied up the remaining pie so that everyone had a little of each kind of pie to take home with them.

Leftover pie for breakfast, please.

SS leftover pie

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Summer Pie Day

We have celebrated National Pie Day, which falls on January 23rd, for the past two or three years ever since I learned of it’s existence.  Every year my pie enthusiast friends and I lament that the holiday falls during a time when the berries are not in season.  I always vow to throw another celebration for pie during the summer months but then life gets busy and I never do.  But this year I am on my game.  Saturday, August 4th has been marked as the first ever Summer Pie Day.

Since the weather is going to be absolutely wonderful, sunny with a high of 80, we are going all out and hosting a BBQ as well.  The menu will be all about keeping it simple and will involve things that can be prepared ahead of time.  I think marinated beef and chicken shish kabobs as well as oil drizzled, herb sprinkled veggie ones will do nicely.  I have asked all invited to bring a small side dish along with, of course, a pie.  And I warned that there would be some friendly mocking if they came with a store bought pie.

I have done little to no preparation for Summer Pie Day.  Grocery shopping and pie crust making will have to happen today.  Plus there are the berries to consider.  The boys, Dexter the dog, and I have been taking daily walks down the road to our neighborhood blackberry patch to check on the ripeness of the berries.  During one of our walks the boys found what they call the most perfect walking sticks ever! and now they don’t walk anywhere without them.

Summer Pie Day Boys Collage

Carter is very good at sampling the berries to see if they are ripe.

Summer Pie Day Carter Collage

There is nothing like a fresh blackberry pie, especially when the berries are free.

Summer Pie Day Berries1

These pictures were taken Thursday morning.  With a little bit of luck and plenty of sunshine, I think enough berries will be ripe for the picking come Saturday morning for one delicious blackberry pie.

Summer Pie Day Berries2

Posted in Food Glorious Food | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 23 Comments

One Thing Leads to Another

The neurodevelopment appointment led to an orthopedic appointment.  This is happening today.  There will be talk of surgery involving Cody’s Achilles tendon.  Hopefully a very-in-the-future surgery.

The neurology appointment led to scary conversations about epilepsy (we found out they stop classifying seizures, even with a fever, as fibril after the age of six and start viewing them as a possible life long thing: epilepsy) and a goal of keeping Cody’s seizures at two or less a year.  Oh and they must be associated with fever.  As if we have any control over any of this.  There are whispers of daily anti-seizure medication.  These whispers turn my stomach and make my palms sweat.

The neurosurgery appointment led to a urology appointment to discuss if there is subtle tethering of his spinal cord.  Talks will follow regarding urodynamic studies.  Scarier even, are the talks that have already occurred about a surgery to remove two small fatty growths on his filum, the connective tissue at the end of Cody’s spinal cord.

At least his shunt looks find.

Husband and I have lots of decisions to make, lots of medical pathways to untangle, stare down, and hopefully pick the right one to walk towards.  We don’t want to overwhelm Cody and his live with nitpicky medical procedures that may or may not improve his quality of life.  His quality of life is pretty darn good as it is.  At the same time we do not want to overlook or misunderstand an opportunity that can provide him with more.

So as all this rumbles through my head, what do I hear the boys doing in the hallway with their blocks and stuffed animals?  Cody is currently giving his stuffed rooster an MRI because something in Rooster’s tummy is not quite right and his stuffed Phineas is waiting in line behind Zebra for his turn at the x-ray machine.

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