Of Potty Training and Penises

Posted on December 22, 2011 by Shoes

My friend Amy and I try to get together every month or so sans kids to catch up.  During these visits we invariably talk of our children.  Awhile back I told her a funny potty training story about Carter that I would have forgotten if she had not brought it up just prior to the Christmas party we cohosted two weeks ago.  It went something like this.

During one of the summer concerts in the park Carter, who was in the throes of potty training, told me he needed to go pee pee.  We weaved our way through the sea of blankets and folding chairs to the back of the park to the public restrooms.  The big stall was open and there were two tween girls primping in the small mirror hung over the sink.  Carter and I went into the large stall where he took care of his business.  While he was getting his pants up I decided to go as well.  Since I never get any privacy at home this was not a new thing for Carter to see and I did not think much of it until his little voice, which sounded several times louder than normal in the quietness of the room said, ‘momma you have no penis.  I have a penis.  And papa has penis too.  Papa has a big, Big, BIG penis!’  Cue the muffled laughter…

When we got together to organize the party Amy told me she had shared this story with the ladies of the women’s club during one of the times I could not make it.  (She created the women’s club earlier this year.  I wrote about it here.  It is basically an excuse for the women of her neighborhood to get together eat, drink, and hang out with no kids or husbands.  It is a lot of fun and while I am not in their neighborhood I have been invited into the fold.)  The ladies thought the story quite hilarious and were looking forward to meeting my husband.

At first I burst out laughing at this.  Then I started thinking.  All those women would be attending our Christmas party and, I am quite sure, would be giving Husband some rather curious out of the corner of their eye glances.  This made me laugh even harder.  So this all begs the question – should I tell Husband what the majority of the women at the party may be thinking as I introduce him?

Mona Lisa Smile

What is behind that Mona Lisa smile, indeed.

I decided to keep quiet, after all why risk him getting all bashful and refusing to go to the party all because of a cute potty training story about our sweet and innocent three year old?  So, sorry I did not tell you earlier honey, but at least I am telling you now.  That is, of course, if you are reading this.

Posted in Little Feet, Random Thoughts | Tagged , , , | 11 Comments

Winter Break is Going to Break Me

Posted on December 20, 2011 by Shoes

What do you do when it is only day two of a two week winter break and the kids are already driving you crazy?  Wait.  Do weekends count as days during winter break?  I think they should so let me start again.

What do you do when it is only day four of a two week winter break and the kids are already driving you crazy?  I know what I should have done.  I should have dug out the bottle of Pimm’s from the back of our fridge, mixed up some lemonade, poured myself a tall drink and sat in front of the fireplace, eyes closed pretending the heat I was feeling was from the summer sun.  Instead we did this.

Todays craft

We started this very cool, albeit time consuming, project months ago and I was feeling rather smug about getting such a head start on it.  Surely they would be done well before Christmas.  Ok, well maybe not.  The crafty part is pretty much done.  I just need to figure out the best way to put them together, hole punch the top and send them off in the mail to two unsuspecting Grandmas (incase you actually counted the number of each page, we made a third to keep for ourselves.  I mean, really, how could I not keep a copy for myself?)

Jan Feb Mar

Apr May Jun

Oct Nov Dec

I came across this website at about this time last year.  I loved the idea but had run out of time to make it happen.  I bookmarked the site in my favorites and actually remembered it for this year (hooray for me!!)  Check it out of you want to see how a really and truly crafty mom does it.  All the pages we did were from her list of ideas except for the month of July.  I really thought that July should have the American flag on it so we gave it a try.

July

Not too shabby if you ask me.

Posted in Little Feet | Tagged , , , | 14 Comments

Fat Santa

Posted on December 19, 2011 by Shoes

Cody is worried that Santa eats too much fudge.

Santa and Fudge

How much fudge is too much fudge?

cody:  Momma, why is Santa so fat?  Why does he eat so much fudge?  It is not very good for his teeth.

me:  Well, Santa enjoys his cookies and fudge.  You are right though, it is not a very healthy diet but I am sure Santa is very good at brushing his teeth.

After a brief discussion this morning of when Santa will be arriving at our house, the topic of what snack to leave out for the man in red came up.  Carter voted for the traditional with a twist; cookies and milk, and a gift (a toy).  Cody thought that an apple and some water would suffice.

We finally compromised and on Christmas eve we will be leaving out cookies and an apple wrapped in pretty paper and topped with a bow.  An agreement could not be made with regards to the liquid refreshment so if you are down-list from us could you please leave out an extra glass of milk for the jolly chap?

Posted in Little Feet | Tagged , , , , | 7 Comments

Simple Sunday – Forgotten Fence

Posted on December 18, 2011 by Shoes

A fence in the forest.

Posted in Simple Sunday | Tagged | 6 Comments

Conserving Energy

Posted on December 16, 2011 by Shoes

About two weeks ago we decked our halls (we only have one hall, but the word ‘halls’ sounds better here), fireplace mantle, living room, kitchen, and bedrooms with Christmas lights.  Carter was a bit disappointed that we did not string up lights in their bathroom but I felt I should draw the line somewhere.  Now you would think with all these techno colored, glowing, twinkling, light chasing strands of lights in a house with a five and a three year old boy that we would be Christmas lit up twenty-four seven.  That is where you would be wrong.

Of the many mantras in our house; your dirty clothes go in the hamper not next to the hamper, did you use soap and water, be nice to your brother, use your napkin not your sleeve, don’t waste energy; the last one seems to have stuck fast and hard.  While they like the Christmas lights they consider them a waste of energy.  No amount of explained will sway them.  I walk into a room, plug in the lights and admire them.  They walk into a room, admire the lights and unplug them.  It is a vicious cycle.

Carter is especially diehard regarding energy conservation.  On our way out of his speech therapist’s office last week, we had to walk by a small room set up with books and toys for kids to play with while they are in the waiting room.  He sees no one is in there and quickly snakes his hand inside the room and flicks off the light.  Then with an accusing tone he turns to his therapist and frowns “you waste eee-leck-tris-tee.”

christmas lights on house

I can only imagine what Carter would have to say about this.

Posted in Little Feet | Tagged , , , | 6 Comments

Normalize

Posted on December 14, 2011 by Shoes

Today is a day for normalize; for routine.  I have washed dishes.  I have washed, dried, folded, and put away laundry with the humming of the washer in the background to remind me there is more to come.  I have vacuumed the house (and in the process, learned that my incredibly powerful vacuum can actually suck up a strand of Christmas lights and that both the lights and the vacuum can survive such an ordeal).  I have been telling Cody for days that I will sew on Kissy Shrimp’s antenna, by far the most challenging surgery I will have performed on him to date, so I guess that must get done today as well.  I am currently procrastinating the washing of the kitchen and bathroom floors by blogging.  Yup, a fairly typical morning around here.  Except for the updates about my dad.

I do not want this post to be about my dad.  I need a break from it.  I will say that he woke up this morning more or less how he was before.  I have mixed feelings on this.

After Carter gets home from school we will have our lunch and then head out to the store for milk and laundry detergent.  There are kid shoes to exchange for a larger size and the mail to pick up at the post office.  The mail will remind me of the Christmas cards I have done nothing about.  I am currently of the mind to not do Christmas cards this year.  I usually hand write several sentences in each of the 50 plus cards I send out and include a family picture.  I take pride in doing this.  It is something I enjoy but it is a lot of work and it takes a lot of time.  Perhaps in the new year I will carve out some time to hand write a note to everyone who would have been on my Christmas card list.

Christmas 20011

Here is a picture of my stack of Christmas cards in progress from last year.

Posted in Random Thoughts | Tagged , , | 8 Comments

My WordPress Therapy – Session Two

Posted on December 13, 2011 by Shoes

It was mention of the toenail trimming that made me finally loose it.

Not seeing my dad in restraints.
Not watching my dad thrash uncontrollably.
Not the expressions on his face nor the noises he made, grunting and half words.
Not even watching my mom watching her husband, my dad, endure this.

I cried in starts and fits when I allowed myself to think about these things too much.  But no, I did not break.

Not while talking to the director of the Alzheimer’s and Dementia long term care facility.
Not when the check was written to hold him a room realizing he would never come home.
Not the worry that the doctors would not be able to wake him from the trembling, thrashing, unconsciousness that consumed him.  Or what part of him would be left, if any.

It was during the tour of the care facility.  The director commented that all the services: meals, toiletries, hair cuts, administration of medicine were included except the once a month foot care service.  I did not especially care to know what that was but in such situations one should ask questions, right?  So I asked and she told us that for $19 a service was offered for a foot bath, massage, and pedicure.  But, she said, they would of course trim his toenails anyway.

It was that image.  The thought of some stranger cutting my dad’s toenails.  The thought of my dad, a proud, decent, independent man needing such a thing.  It caused me to tip.  It was like a pressure starting in my chest, pushing outward and radiating to all my limbs.  I stepped back and took a couple quick steps away.  I turned my back while mumbling something about trying to hold it together.  And I let myself have a pause.  Then I turned back and we went out to see the courtyard with the lone birdfeeder, hanging.

It has been a very rough several days.  I feel like I am sinking over and over again and I just can’t get ahold of anything solid.  The Alzheimer’s mind of my dad on Saturday night mistook his wife for someone who wanted to do him harm.  She locked herself in the bathroom with her cell phone and had to call 911.  It has not gotten much better from there.  He has been in a semi vegetative state since Sunday morning.  Something is very wrong and the doctors don’t know why he has not woken up.

I don’t think dad even knew I was there.

Not a present is wrapped nor a Christmas card written.  I somehow much find the Christmas spirit or at least find a way to fake it for the sake of my boys.

Posted in My WordPress Therapy Couch | Tagged , , | 13 Comments

Simple Sunday – Happy Dogs in Subaru

Posted on December 11, 2011 by Shoes

Rosy and Dexter collage

Posted in Furry Feet (and fish), Simple Sunday | Tagged , | 12 Comments

A Week of Awards

Posted on December 9, 2011 by Shoes

My gosh.  The Versatile Blogger Award, for me?  Why thank you!  I was greatly surprised to find out that Heatherbell over at Patchwork Of Life had nominated me for The Versatile Blogger Award just shortly after I had received The Liebster Award from Jodi.  I am really amazed and touched that people out there are reading my blog and apparently like what they are reading.  I started blogging in early July and did not expect to be doing more than writing for myself (and the five or six people I told about it).  Along the way I have found some amazing blogs and have make some great friends out there in the blogging world.

Much like the Liebster Award, The Versatile Blogger Award comes with some rules attached (after all it is about getting your blog out there and giving recognition to others).  Here are the rules:

  • Nominate 15 fellow bloggers.
  • Inform the bloggers of their nomination.
  • Share 7 random things about yourself.
  • Thank the blogger who nominated you.
  • Add the Versatile Blog Award picture on your blog post.

Here are seven random facts about me:

1.  I despise melon.  All types of melon but most especially the cantaloupe.

2. It completely drives me nuts that I can not figure out my damn Gravitar – sometimes it works and sometime it does not.  I have actually lost sleep over this.

3.  Due to a few traumatic encounters with Hobo Spiders, whenever I get out of the shower I do my patented “Hobo Spider Towel Shake Dance” before letting the towel touch my body.  Every time, people, every time.

4.  I just recently learned how to text.

5.  When I was a child I was in chicken 4-H.  It rocked!

6.  I have had alopecia since my senior year of high school.  When I get brave, I will write a post about my experience with this.

7. I am shy to the point that some of the blogs listed below I have followed for sometime but have never actually commented on.  Now it just seems a bit too creepy to pop over and give them an award so I may rely on pingbacks (or is that trackbacks) for a few of these.

Since I have already given a shout out to five blogs plus Jodi who gave me the The Liebster Award I will give you fifteen additional ones.

1.  Facemom

2.  Kindness girl

3.  Twisted Domestic Goddess

4.  Spoiled Fruits Of Empire

5.  Mom in the Muddle

6.  The Byronic Man

7.  From Nonsense to Momsense

8.  Momma Says the F Word

9.  The Potty Diaries

10. Tall Clover Farm

11.  The O’Shea Family Weblog

12. An Exercise in Narcissism

13. The Spice Spoon

14. Twinkling Along

15. Mommy’s “Mom”ents

Thanks again to Heatherbell at Patchwork Of Life for thinking my blog worthy of The Versatile Blogger Award.

versatilebloggeraward

And just in case you were wondering there are twenty hyperlinks is this post – it seems a bit out of control if you ask me.

Posted in Blogging/Writing | Tagged , , | 12 Comments

My Attempt at Gourmet Baking

Posted on December 7, 2011 by Shoes

I am a nervous cook. I read and reread a recipe ad nauseum.  I set out the required ingredients before I start.  I am more that a bit compulsive.  Seriously people, I was well into my 20s before I stopped measuring the water required to boil Kraft macaroni and cheese.  I am all about keeping it simple.  When baking I tend to go for the bar and drop varieties of cookies; they require less hands on time and you can’t mess them up too bad.

Back in September when I came across a recipe for chocolate-covered buttercream cherries, just perfect for the yearly Christmas party I co-host, I never dreamed I would actually make them.  I printed off the recipe and let it collect dust on my kitchen counter.  So it was with some surprise and quite a lot of trepidation that I found myself in the kitchen Monday morning, cherry recipe in hand with all the ingredients newly purchased and ready to go.

  • Step one:  pat cherries dry with paper towel.  Sounds easy.  Oh, gosh, don’t pull the cherries out of the jar with their stems.  Crap.  I over patted that one and this one is still sitting in a puddle of it’s own juices!  How did I miss this one?
  • Step two:  prepare buttercream and refrigerate for 1 hour.  Powdered sugar, butter, corn syrup, salt (ha! I didn’t even measure the 1/4 teaspoon salt – what a rebel I am!)  And look, the recipe says not to worry if it is crumbly and reassures me that it will come together after a few kneads and it was right.
  • Step three:  roll dough into 1/2 inch balls, flatten into circles and wrap cherries then back to the refrigerator for another hour.  Ok, this took forever!  I mean, how could it not if you want perfectly uniform balls (I could put in a joke here but will show some self restraint.) 
  • Step four:  melt chocolate and shortening until smooth; dip cherries, set on waxed paper in refrigerator until hardened then store, covered for 1-2 weeks before serving.  Ok, chocolate is nicely melted and then, what the…  The chocolate is clumping and   every time I stir it gets worse!  Is it too hot, not hot enough – argh!!  Damn you cherries, you shall be dredged instead of dipped.  Ouch!  Burning hot, melted chocolate under my thumbnail – must . not . lick . fingers. 

And so it ended.  I had my 60 mostly chocolate covered buttercream cherries which looked nothing like the pictures from the blog where I found it.  Husband sampled the one that parted from its’ stem during the non-smooth chocolate dredging catastrophe and declared them good.

I would show you some pictures but, really, no one wants to see that.  Instead I suggest you go to Bakergirl’s blog for some lovely pictures and while you are there you can snag the recipe.

Oh, and if anyone knows what went wrong with the melting of the chocolate I would love to know.

Posted in Food Glorious Food | Tagged , , | 13 Comments